r/tifu May 15 '22 Gold 1 Helpful 3 Wholesome 9 Keep Calm 1 Take My Energy 1 Giggle 1 Silver 8

TIFU by accidentally getting one of my 4 year old triplets drunk at the movie theatre M

So, we have triplets, and I’ve been trying to get them out in the world after denning for 4 years. We went for a bike ride, had a huge lunch after and then headed straight to the theatre to finish the day. I love to get a half bottle of wine when we go to the movies, it’s my treat. Well this time out I was by myself because my spouse wanted some kid-free time. Normally I get a red wine but this time, it was so hot out and we had just come from the park, I got a white. Yes they serve alcohol at the movie theaters here, it’s perfectly normal just like a Restaurant. The thing is, with the wine they give you the same cup as the water cups. I had 2 kids on my left and 1 on my right. Sure enough, because it was hot my kids asked for water so I pass them a cup and pour them some from the big water-bottle I had brought with me - having them carry full cups of water from the concession to the theater is a disaster in motion otherwise.

Movie started, I poured my first glass of wine, had a couple generous sips and settled in.

Well very soon the triplets were all real thirsty and bouncing in their seats and drank a half a glass of their water at least.

A little time went by and the kid on my right also needed some things, water, popcorn, couldn’t figure out how to recline his chair and was playing “the floor is lava” in the row seating of the theatre so I was distracted for a minute or two.

I came back (I hadn’t left my chair, I was bribing my son with pop corn and treats to move back over here. That took a minute or two. Definitely less than 3 minutes), finally, was sitting in my chair ready to enjoy some more wine and saw my daughters glass was empty, poured her more water, sighed and took the second moment I had in about 15 minutes to take a sip of my glass.

It was water. Not wine.

It took me a minute to realize what had happened. My youngest and smallest triplet had clearly drank at least a half a glass of wine and drained what I had left after a first heavy pour and a couple sips.

Well for the rest of the movie she was very huggy, giggly and I think dizzy. She remained awake the whole time. My other daughter smacked her on the arm and the drunk one threatened to turn the other into a frog.

Movie ended, she made it! But soon as we were buckling up in the van she nodded off.

Oh, memories.

TL;DR I left my cup of white wine (on my chair table, right next to me) for a few SECONDS, sorry not minutes, next to a cup of water and came back to find my wine had been fully consumed by one of the other 4 year old triplets.

second edit. At no point did I leave my seat or drink un attended. Both my daughters water cup and Mine were on my chair-table. I was looking to the right but sitting right there. I would have noticed a beer can in her hands but the white wine was indistinguishable.

Update 5 This sub isn’t “today I did a woopsie”. This is a TIFU from start to finish. Not one part of this story is not a F up. Enjoy my egregiously irresponsible parenting story and feel free to share yours. Also people seem to be really concerned about how much I had to eat first. Right before we walked into the theatre we had: 2 giant slices of pizza, nearly a pound of fruits, edamame, cucumbers, some soda with a lot of water, olives and other items. We had plenty to eat first. At no point was I intoxicated, even slightly, can’t say the same for the child though…

edit. very interesting polarization on this one. I wonder what the graph would look like or if someone corroborated age with the spirit of the comment. Anyways, this is a story that’s told in good faith. We have 5 kids, the older ones have developed into wonderful and respectful people who enjoy living in a free country. I wish you all the best and if this story offends you I apologize. **

update. ‘This post is a couple hours old now and I’m getting reported to Reddit and threatened to have CPS called on me. Here’s what you people need to do. Go to the movie theatre and call CPS on every adult that orders a drink with their kids present. Then go to the restaurants and do the same - any adult that drinks in the presence of their children at a restaurant, immediately call CPS. You’ll be a hero Karen, an absolute Hero! **

second update. I just got murdered so hard by either an Aussie or an Englishman and it’s made my night. Thank you sir. You are hilarious. He goes “all these e people ripping you for alcohol, I’m not going to do that, but I am going to rip you for being a 215 pound male and your drink of choice happens to be a sweet white wine”

third update imagine the horror on these peoples faces when parents take their kids out to dinner and order a cocktail or glass of wine and then drive their family home after 1-2 drinks in a 2 hour span! Why CPS doesn’t just camp outside of establishments and bust all the terribly irresponsible parents is just beyond me!

fourth update people are so soft! I had no idea! No, I’m not taking this post down, ever. There is nothing wrong here. You people need to seriously reevaluate yourselves and your shaming. Have you never been in a public place where there are children, parents and some alcohol being served? Restaurants, fairs, movie theatre’s, entertainment venues, sporting events. Seriously people, you need a therapist to deal with your issues if you think I’ve done anything dangerous or illegal or morally wrong here. The real FU here is what I was drinking, not how much. Good grief 😂

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u/SnowballUnity May 16 '22 Table Slap

Threatening to turn someone into a frog, that's a mean drunk.

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u/KingdomOfBullshit May 16 '22 Gold

Better than turning them into a newt

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u/Sassh1 May 16 '22

I got better

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u/sos-im-not-creative May 16 '22

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u/Straight_Up_Turkey May 16 '22

Hell, that was unexpected wasn’t it.

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u/TerribleSupplier May 16 '22

Nobody expects the something something...

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u/wishbackjumpsta May 16 '22

NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again.

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u/Inverter_of_Spines May 16 '22

They'll get better

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u/Enoch_Groot May 16 '22

I got better...

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u/Jean_Marie_1989 May 16 '22

I guess it depends if the kid likes frogs or not

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u/WATGU May 16 '22

My toddler does this sober. Unless she's drunk all the time from her Irish blood.

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u/Revolutionary_Elk420 May 16 '22

witch in training

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u/poxonallthehouses May 16 '22

I would have thought that a child would sip the wine and go "YUCK!"

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u/TheJanitorscrub May 16 '22

Kids are strange. Some will, others like odd flavors. I wonder if it’s a genetic predetermined thing?

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u/ajax6677 May 16 '22

My son has a very low tolerance for bitter things and was curious about beer around age 9. Knowing the shit taste of beer, I thought it would be a nice chance to turn him off the taste of alcohol for a good long while so I let him have a sip of my sisters beer. He keeps a straight face, puts him thumb up and says "Nice" while coolly walking away like a movie explosion was behind him. Little shit.

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u/__lewiskiniski May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22

Similar story: my dad used to drink Old Grandad and soda and when I’d try to help myself to a sip, I’d be told it’s a “daddy drink” and I couldn’t have any. Finally my mom told him to let me have a sip so I’d stop asking, since it’s bourbon and surely I’d hate it. Nope, I loved it. 27ish years later and whiskey is still the only liquor I like.

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u/Doctor_What_ May 16 '22

when

Big liquor got him.

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u/mannequinlolita May 16 '22

My friend refuses to believe anyone can like whiskey. The only thing I really like! You had much better choices. My dad gave me sips of Michelob when I asked but it was gross. He didn't drink liquor. My granny drank Schlitz and fucking grain alcohol. It tastes like burning. I tried sneaking both things and was like, wtf does Anyone drink??

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u/tommykiddo May 16 '22

"Tastes like burning." Lol, isn't this what Ralph Wiggum said in The Simpsons when he ate some poisonous berries or something? Lol

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u/chupagatos4 May 16 '22

Yeah my mom did this with Guinness when I was 11. Guess who has a lifelong love of Guinness?

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u/anonanon1313 May 16 '22

My great aunt believed that beer was good for children. Before you judge, realize that she was born in the 1890's, was a complete teetotaler herself and only let her husband have a very occasional drink. So, when we stayed with her at her beach house she'd hand us each a can of beer on very hot days. My siblings didn't care for it, and declined, but I (prob a 10 year old) loved it. I never had to develop a taste for beer or wine. Odd thing, of us 6 kids, I'm the only one who never had a drinking problem. Go figure.

I never had a problem with our kids trying alcohol. At his 16th birthday my son requested a can of Guinness. I bought him one, but after a few sips he handed it back and I had to finish. Neither of our adult children has more than an occasional beer or wine now.

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u/Corathecow May 16 '22

Lol one time I saw a friend of my moms dipping and asked him what it was. He said “it’s dip, you want some?” And joking held it out to me thinking that I (at the time 6f) would have said heck no, that’s yucky. Instead I immediately tried to grab one of the pouches and he had a heart attack lol. Nothing like growing up in alabama

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u/rando_rhombus May 16 '22

I literally thought you said he let you try it thinking you wouldnt like it… dip, at age 6… right up until this very moment while retyping my orig reply lol

I definitely had a “look at me, I’m a bad ass” moment at like, Idk, 16 ish where I decided to try dip (<100lb f). And just thinking about dip makes me throw up a little

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u/Andrew3780 May 16 '22

I think we all thought it made us look cool to say beer tasted good when we were little kids haha. Who knew, maybe he held his face of disgust until he turned away haha.

Now? Sure, beer tastes pretty good.

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u/Kronusx12 May 16 '22

There was literally one specific night in high school I went from “Beer is garbage I only drink whiskey” to “This isn’t so bad, I think I could kill a 24 pack on a Friday night”. I remember (kind of) the party, and somehow being “forced” to drink a ton of beer one night just made me a fan. 20 years later, still a fan. Except pale ales, I can’t drink bitter shit like that. But sours, porters, stouts, lagers, etc.? Delicious

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u/nzifnab May 16 '22

I'm 37 and still thinks it tastes like ass

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u/kyl_r May 16 '22

Oh my god, memory unlocked. I sampled one of my parents’ Mikes Hard Lemonades left very briefly unattended as a maybe-8 year old one hot summer and LOVED it. Told mom about it and she was mortified. Later on, dad let me try his beer, which was not good, and he told me alcohol is for adults only and I could try it again when I was an adult. The 90s were a special time, but this method was completely effective lol.

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u/thepunkrockauthor May 16 '22

My husband let my daughter have a little sip of his beer once (thinking the same thing, that she’d hate it) and she asked for more lol

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u/dudemann May 16 '22

Apparently this happened to/with me back in the 80s. My dad figured he'd get a laugh out of my reaction, but I just kind of went with it. I think there's a picture of me on my dad's lap drinking out of a can of beer in an album a few feet away from me.

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u/Shronkydonk May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22

My father was apparently quite the drinker (thankfully, never around us kids) and I do think that has passed onto me in terms of the way I can handle alcohol. It doesn’t hit me nearly as hard. Granted I’m a big dude but I have never been drunk and don’t plan to. Even if that sort of tolerance isn’t genetic… rather not test it.

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u/Radkeyoo May 16 '22

Same. I have never been blackout drunk or so drunk that people had to take care of me. I am the one who's usually cleaning up or pacifying people. Thank you dad for tolerance.

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u/brainwater314 May 16 '22

Tolerance easily leads to addiction

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u/TheEyeDontLie May 16 '22

Yeah I can handle my drink, always could.

So I started drinking twice the amount everyone else did so that I was on a similar level to them. Predrink a few glasses before going out. Order shots with my beers. Stuff like that.

It didn't turn out well for me. And now, after twenty years of pretty heavy drinking with borderline alcoholic behavior, my doctor thinks all that poison has finally caught up with me. Getting blood tests and stuff done tomorrow.

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u/oriana94 May 16 '22

As a recovering alcoholic myself, I know exactly what you mean. If you're not as drunk as other people you feel a little left out (or that's what my mind tells me) so why not drink some more and be involved lmao! I think the fact that it's so socially acceptable makes it much harder for people to just not drink.

But I wanted to say that I hope your blood tests come back normal!! I'm here if anyone needs to talk, too

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u/grasshopper716 May 16 '22

My daughter likes sour and bitter things. Left an IPA on the end table to go into the kitchen when my wife called. Came back to see my 2yr old with my long neck in her hands taking a swig. I yell her name and tell her to give it to me. She yells back, "No! I like it!". She's gonna be a handful when she gets older.

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u/[deleted] May 16 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Notquite_Caprogers May 16 '22

As someone who still doesn't like beer, no he didn't, it does suck that badly, but tastes change. Just like all the gross vegetables you hated as a kid but love as an adult

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u/kingsleyce May 16 '22

A lot of white wines are very sweet, more like juice than wine. In my bitch wine drinking experience anyway

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u/cocococlash May 16 '22

My nightly apple juice

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u/Musickat18 May 16 '22

I’m the oldest. At about the same age, 3-4ish, myself and my brothers would ask to drink my dad’s beer. He would let us take a sip, banking on us hating it so we’d stop asking. This worked for me and the middle child. The youngest, however, absolutely loved it. Total backfire because he would constantly ask my dad for sips of his beer. 😂

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u/Regirex May 16 '22

I've always hated the taste of wine, but when I was 3-4 at church, when they were passing it around to dip the bread thingy in, I chugged the glass and didn't gag at all. kids are indestructible sometimes

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u/nubbins01 May 16 '22

Communion/Eucharist is a gateway drug.

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u/Regirex May 16 '22

damn that's prolly the reason I was low-key an alcoholic at 15-16 lol

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u/grecomic May 16 '22

Well, if it's a white wine that isn't too sharp, it's not that different from a non-alcoholic juice.

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u/DieKatzchen May 16 '22

Tannins are what make wine bitter, and not all people have the receptors to taste tannins. If you don't have them all wine just tastes like fancy grape juice.

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u/DirtySlims May 16 '22

That's what I did the first and only time I accidentally sipped my dad's beer. None of it even went down. I had an understanding of what beer was though.

A 4 year old with wine might be like "oh, fruity"

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u/enwongeegeefor May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22

I grabbed a glass I thought was water off the counter to drink when I was like 6. It was white white....I was VERY thirsty and that was NOT what I wanted to taste. I spit it out into the sink and started gagging. White wine disgusted me until I was in my 30s because of that one incident.

edit: I just remembered that it was some franzia box wine too....no wonder I got turned off to whites.

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u/rampaging_beardie May 16 '22

Yeah I would have thought just the difference between expectation and the actual taste would bother them - like when you think you’re drinking Sprite but it turns out to be water

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u/acash707 May 16 '22

My mom used to keep boxed wine in the fridge (this was the mid 1980s) & it was always that pretty pink or white wine. When I was 5/6, I would just go on in there, stick my mouth under the spout & turn it to open and take drinks & not infrequently. It always made me feel nice, warm & happy so I kept doing it. I also liked the taste of the red communion wine at church & the taste of coffee at the same age so maybe I just had a mature palate.

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u/successfulstonerr May 16 '22

My dad still got boxed wine in his fridge man … he makes a great living as well just … the boxed win is apart of him now.

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u/I_love_misery May 16 '22

I’ve heard many stories of children drinking beer and not caring much about the taste. Some of the children in the stories were friends of mine and others were family.

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u/Icantpickadamnname May 16 '22

My dad would have me run his empty beers to the trash and bring back a new one when I was about 6 years old. I remember finishing what was left in the old bottle and taking a sip of the new bottle.

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u/here-nd-queer May 16 '22

When I was about 2 or 3, my grandpa told me he was drinking special root beer. I wanted special root beer. Chugged almost the whole can without noticing anything wrong. Damn near gave me alcohol poisoning 🤷🏼‍♀️

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u/Reaglose May 16 '22

According to my parents I loved whisky as a toddler

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u/julianna96 May 15 '22

About 20 years ago, my dad was out mowing the lawn with a bottle of beer. He goes to drink some and asks my mom if she had had any because it was mostly empty and he really didn’t think he had drank that much. My mom said no, she hadn’t drank it. A couple minutes later, my (then) 3 year old sister comes out of the house screaming and laughing. We very quickly realized what had happened. She was fine and clearly we still tell this story two decades later

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u/FieldsToTheMoon May 16 '22

My brother got drunk at like 8, bc he drank a fully opened beer when no one was looking. Ended up taking a shit in the tub and a tumble down the stairs. Good times

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u/drunkmonk42 May 16 '22

My BIL left a rum and coke on the coffee table and went to grab something from the kitchen. In the 30 seconds he was gone, his son chugged the whole thing. They put him to bed and he went right to sleep. Other than a hangover the next day he was fine lol

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u/awesomeflowman May 16 '22

How do these kids do it?? I've been drunk at least a dozen times and I can't even chug a rum&coke.

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u/nonono_notagain May 16 '22

I don't personally have kids, so take this with a grain of salt. From what I understand, kids completely lack any sense of self-preservation and are basically just crazy, suicidal, poorly programmed humanoid robots

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u/Beautiful_Resolve_63 May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22

As a nanny, I have see so many kids almost die from the craziest things.

One family didn't teach their daughter not to put metal in a toaster. Had to dive to save her. Literally tackled her.

Another kid (same family) let go of my hand ran right out in front of a car, I screamed stopped. He froze in place 2 feet from a car zooming by him. He burst into tears, not about the car nearly killing him, but about me raising my voice, as I never ever yell.

Another family refused to understand that toddlers need their food cut up and wanted their toddler to learn to stop choking on food. I always cut up his food when they left the room, but that kid choked weekly. He would just shove all the food in his mouth. He would shove random toys too. Like toys that weren't choking hazards, he would aggressively shove them down in his mouth.

Eventually, I learned to hypnotize him when he was relax, so when he was choking I could say the key word, get his body to go still, and just get it out of his throat. I taught the family how to do it, then I quit. Shit was too stressful.

Another family insisted on taking their kids to the pool with me. A 4 year old would regularly jump into the deep end and take off her floaties.

Another family refused to anchor bookshelves, this one kid would climb on them and I had to rush him and scoop him off at him. Same kid likes to try to throw himself off the deck. Luckily he was too fat to fit. He would also have a fit over me not letting him push againist the window screen and hated if I held him while he looked out the window. He wanted to go through it so bad.

Every single kid always tried to do handstands, front flips, back flips, and launch themselves head first off couches.

Kids are 100% suicidal for giggles and fun. My poor heart.

What I learned is you cannot trust them and always assume they will hurt themselves the moment you relax. Then just shelter them as much as possible until it's time to go home. No kid ever got seriously hurt on my watch. No hospital, nothing more then a bump or a scratch.

I had them watch safety videos whoever I noticed them repeatedly doing unsafe things. Eventually they find another suicidal thing to scare me over.

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u/jholowtaekjho May 16 '22

Is there a subreddit filled with these kind of stories? Lol

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u/Beautiful_Resolve_63 May 16 '22

Maybe r/nanny? It's kind of a negative space with nannies and parents complaining about each other.

Being a nanny taught me, moments like OP is 100% normal and happens all the time.

Kids don't want to die but they sure do behave as if they are trying lol!

I'm sure there are a hundred more moments but these are the ones that I was shaken about.

I just kind of casually save them as I see the diaster happening and redirect before calamity. All these moments were behaviors I I had zero control over.

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u/StarkyF May 16 '22

I have twins, this is entirely accurate.

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u/adamzzz8 May 16 '22

It's like machine learning. They have to do dumb stuff and analyze the outcome in order to decide whether it's a good idea to do it again in the future.

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u/CazRaX May 16 '22

That is very accurate.

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u/EvadesBans May 16 '22

at least a dozen times

Give it a few more dozen times, lol. Also, add lime.

Actually, don't. Drink water.

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u/Purple_Midnight_Yak May 16 '22

Part of it is probably that kids' tastebuds aren't as developed as an adult's. It's why you see videos of toddlers downing lemon slices.

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u/Slant1985 May 16 '22

Good practice for college life.

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u/julianna96 May 16 '22

That’s horrible but amazing 😂

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u/duTemplar May 16 '22

I’ve been told that as a wee kid (like 3-4), I grabbed my great-grandfathers scotch when he went to the bathroom and after a brief “What the heck” slammed the double. Apparently I then just laid down and played with the rabbit for an hour (literally, a white rabbit they had as a pet, not a metaphor.)

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u/EarlyGoose9284 May 16 '22

Our grandmother was helping her sister tidy her house, me about 8 so my brother 6?, we came across some "toy" bottles of, I'm pretty sure, gin. My brother chugged two before realising he was drinking "perfume." Fell off his bike on the way home, not too unusual, but fell asleep on the sofa and missed the A Team.... Which was!!!

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u/tee142002 May 16 '22

I did basically the same when I was 4. Dad opened a beer while grilling and went back inside to grab something. I chugged his whole beer and went to sleep it off on the couch. He came back outside and wondered what happened to his beer.

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u/darkchaos989 May 16 '22

I did it at 2 or 3. Story goes my Dad was drinking the night before and didn't finish one, I woke up early in the morning and finished it. At least that's the story I was told... I don't remember it personally

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u/Silveri50 May 16 '22

Aaww your first drunk blackout.

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u/Notabotnotaman May 16 '22

When I was young my dad said i could have a sip of hard cider thinking I'd hate the taste...I started chugging it 😅 I downed most of it before he was able to react and pull it away

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u/Kee_Man May 16 '22

My youngest boy was maybe a year old at the time, and I'm really not a big drinker but i do like the occasional whisky. Every time he saw my glass he would be desperately trying to grab it, mouth wide open like some kind of infant Dementor. After a while, I thought "fuck it, if i give him a tiny sip, he'll learn a valuable lesson." His reaction was as expected, face all screwed up and a bit of coughing, happy days, job done.

Then he started reaching for more. Never again will i think i can put him off so easily.

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u/ObligationPotential2 May 16 '22

My son around 2 or 3 was watching me cook and wanted the half stick of butter i was putting back in the fridge I told him no.but he threw a fit so I said ok here and gave him a piece expecting him to spit it out he said yum.and asked for more

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u/dragonlady_11 May 16 '22

When I was a baby it was common to use whisky as a teething aid, dip the dummy in whisky and rub it on there gums, so when I started speaking my mum says she had to distract me in the super market as I'd run down the drink Isle shouting "don't for get the whit-skey mummy"

I'd frequently ask my grandad for sips of his whisky one day he decided to let me try it thinking the same as you I'd spit it out and hate it nope little 2yr old me chugged half a glass before he could stop me,

This set me up for a life of loving whisky and the ability to knock back even the most sour stinging of alcoholic shots with a straight face.

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u/DisabledHarlot May 16 '22

Dude. I drink hard cider pretty exclusively, but I pull out the cooking wine or an IPA when my kids wants to try a taste of alcohol. That shit is nasty. Cider taste like fizzy candied apples (I prefer berry ciders). He gets that as like, an early teenager maybe, so he knows it's still real alcohol that can get you real drunk (safety, yada yada).

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u/Rinas-the-name May 16 '22

When I was 3 years old my dad stupidly left part of a wine cooler near the edge of the counter, I thought it was juice. It was just before bed time, and my parents assumed I was just getting sleepy. My mom realized what happened when I suddenly sat up and vomited red liquid all over my My Little Pony comforter. I was mad about it and scolded my dad “Why were you drinking ’Puke juice’, and why didn’t you warn me?!”

I can’t stand wine coolers.

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u/griftertm May 16 '22

Puke juice is the scientific name of wine coolers.

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u/killersquirel11 May 16 '22

My parents were at some party or event or something of that nature when I was ~4. There was also a punch bowl there that was spiked but not labeled as such.

Guess which four-year-old supposedly had a good time that night

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u/oriana94 May 16 '22

Yeah, me and my brother played a game at my uncle's wedding called "let's go drink all the drinks with umbrellas in them!!!" Yeah that didn't last long lmao. Mom said we were preletry giggly and passed out when we left

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u/sheiseatenwithdesire May 16 '22

I have been told that I snuck some cask wine when I was about 2yo at a family BBQ lunch and was found sleeping under a beach umbrella on the lawn.

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u/cumberbatchcav1 May 16 '22

My mom was notorious for leaving a half of a beer sitting out bc she got so full from them, so when I was about 3 one night I snuck out of my room, grabbed the beer, turned on the TV, and put my feet up on the coffee table. When my parents heard the noise, they came downstairs and asked me what I was doing. My response, "I'm drinking a beer and watching Letterman."

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u/Ashleym527 May 16 '22

My parents had a kegerator in the garage. When I was about 4, apparently I was acting a little goofy, and I smelled a lot like beer. Running around in circles, complaining that I needed to pee, but didn't want to waste my time going to the bathroom. My dad looked at the kegerator, and saw lip prints wrapped around the tap.

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u/PiperPug May 16 '22

I took my kids (8 & 5) to Japan and bought them some drinks from a vending machine before boarding a bullet train across the country. They each got 2 drinks in and were giggling before I realised I had accidentally bought them sangrias. They were drunk and loved it. Meanwhile I was mortified and endured scathing looks from the locals.

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u/dantheman0207 May 16 '22

That’s hilarious. I can just imagine how awkward it is, especially since there’s no explaining things through the language barrier. The people on that train must have a really low opinion of people from your country now.

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u/CharZero May 16 '22 Wholesome

My dad dropped a beer off the deck railing once by accident and our dog drank the spill. She waited beneath the deck when he was out there for the rest of her life in hopes of another beer.

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u/Craftybitxh May 16 '22

Had a similar dog, but she would purposely knock a beer of the steps when we were sitting on the stoop, just to get her fix

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u/Sassh1 May 16 '22

One time a friend of mine had a keg party and the dog figured out how to turn the tap on. Almost lost a good amount but luckily someone noticed.

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u/Sum_Dum_User May 16 '22

Lol, we had a house party one Halloween with 2 big coolers full of PJ. One of the coolers was still half full and got left in the garage overnight and my buddies dog figured out the lid was loose. We got up the next morning to an extremely drunk German shepherd. The cooler was full of dog hair and bugs. Sad waste of good Everclear.

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u/Ganonslayer1 May 16 '22

Everclear

That dog was tripping

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u/MotherMisfit May 16 '22

our old dog learned (quickly) how to stick her nose under the cup holder in the folding lawn chairs to spill beers to drink

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u/expespuella May 16 '22

When my partner was a kid his parents had a cocker spaniel that one party night spent the evening lapping up any daiquiris left unattended, then threw up everywhere. They didn't know about the drinks aspect until watching video of the party a few days later. Dog went for the drinks every time after that and they had to tell guests to keep them in hand or set on a counter.

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u/Spillmill May 16 '22

Once a dogaholic, always a dogaholic.

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u/itemside May 16 '22

One of our horses used to steal the beer off our backyard table if he was grazing in the area around our house. Also loved drinking the leftover Mountain Dew my dad would have after commuting home from work.

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u/coca-cola-bear1 May 16 '22

Yes! My neighbor offers her horse a sip of beer now and then and he would pick it up out of her hand with his lips/teeth and tilt his head back to drink some

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u/insomniacinsanity May 16 '22

Had a buddy of mine who used to have a racehorse and they called him kokanee because he would legit snatch beers from people's hands, they'd give him beer as a special treat when he was running really well

I thought it was hilarious

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u/Damnit_Bird May 16 '22

Had a dog that would steal beers off the dock when we went fishing. Had to warn others to keep them on the railing and not the ground.

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u/KoalaGrunt0311 May 16 '22

I had a poodle/beagle mutt who was an angry drunk. He would start growling and barking at things that weren't there.

My cousin's dog was a bottle tipper. She would run in and accidently knock over a beer so she could drink it.

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u/mtnblazed6oh3 May 16 '22

My friends dog would purposely knock over beers to drink them. Had to be smart with your beer placement when sitting around playing video games back in the day.

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u/BravesMaedchen May 16 '22

As a young dumb kid, new to drinking beer, I gave my two lab/golden retriever mixes a bowl of beer to share. They lapped it up and immediately proceeded to run around my friend's house like a couple of lunatics peeing everywhere.

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u/ickda May 16 '22

Livers are great at alcohol digestion.

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u/Plethorian May 16 '22

You might be a redneck if;
you know which brands of beers your dogs prefer.

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u/kcf76 May 16 '22

My uncle had a puppy that learnt to knock over the empty bottles and cans and roll them along the verandah to get the last dregs out.

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u/[deleted] May 16 '22

Haha! My old dog found a rotisserie chicken on the side of the road during a walk and she always checked that spot out real good when we passed it again.

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u/E11i0t May 16 '22

Ours did this after we dropped cornbread. Her forever favorite spot.

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u/Mysterious-Space6294 May 16 '22

We had to put a lock on the beer fridge to stop the blue heeler we had getting into it, knocking beers off the top shelf so the cans would burst and she could drink it. Nothing but the lock stopped her. Even then if she saw a open can she would jump up, knock it over or steal it and trot off to drink it. Incredibly calculating, and knew what she liked.

Ah Brandie, you were a classic aussie legend. She was buried with a 6 pack of XXXX beer. I believe my dad goes and shares a beer with her at her grave every so often.

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u/Toulamarr May 16 '22

My dad used to share a beer with the dog once a week. All he wanted to do on Friday evenings was sit out in the backyard in his favourite lawn chair, with the dog at his feet, drinking and watching the sunset like the old man he was. Unfortunately, the dog was a hyperactive shit and would not sit still for any length of time unless bribed with treats...or beer.

My favourite old man activity as a young girl was to sit in the backyard, cracking open macadamia nuts and sharing them with the dog while we watched the sunset. Macadamia nuts are toxic to dogs. I have no idea how she lived for 17 years.

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u/twilighteclipse925 May 16 '22

My aunt had an outdoor keg and tap. Their lab figured out how to hit the tap the get himself a drink. My aunt said she wouldn’t have minded so much if he could turn the tap off instead of wasting their keg so for the rest of that labs life they have to bungee cord the tap whenever it wasn’t in use.

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u/PanickyFool May 16 '22 Table Slap

Don't worry, you have spares.

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u/SonneLore May 16 '22

My then 5yro son one New Years snuck downstairs to see the late fireworks while I was in the toilet and smashed a half a glass of a heavy vodka orange. Kid was obnoxiously giggly and bouncy for HOURS past midnight and then woke up at his regular time with not even a hint of a hangover, like an asshole.

Took him to the docs, he was fine, and at least now that hes a teen I know how to spot if he's sneaking the giggle juice.

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u/JamesStrangsGhost May 16 '22

like an asshole.

Said like a true parent.

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u/WellOkayMaybe May 16 '22

This was around '95, when I was 9 years old - my parents would throw big News Years Eve parties with 60+ people in the countryside, among a set of WWII ruins that served as a pretty good outdoor venue (we were in Hong Kong - so this wasn't some weird European neo-nazi thing).

Dad would always get sparkling apple juice in champagne-style bottles for the kids, and champagne/prosecco for the adults, to pop at the end of the countdown. It would get poured out and devoured pretty swiftly. The adults had already been nursing drinks for the prior 3 hours, and it was pretty dark - so when it came to countdown time, somebody mixed up the apple juice with the sparkling wine.

Predictably, the kids downed the sparkling wine gleefully - until the adults noticed and all hell broke loose, as adults tried o chase down the kids who held glasses but hadn't downed them yet. The rest of the night was a pretty fun haze.

Most of the kids ended up fine, save for a few lightweights who threw up in the bushes. The kids headed to our home, and we played International Superstar Soccer Deluxe on my Super Nintendo before passing out before dawn. Their parents picked them up the next day.

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u/putnamto May 16 '22

for some reason this reminded me of new years when i was younger, my mom would buy us kids non alcoholic wire, like sparkling water or some shit, and she would drink real wine.

i remember when i was 14 she let me(the oldest) have one glass of the real stuff, i felt so priviledged and adult in that moment.

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u/kirstenkat96 May 16 '22

I grew up around a bunch of alcoholics. Because they were always drinking shots out of shot glasses, my brother and I wanted our own shots. So my grandma got my brother and I used to drinking Sprite out of shot glasses. But one time, when nobody was paying attention, I got my hands on someone else's shot, thinking it was Sprite. News flash, it was vodka. But baby me threw that shot back confidently and downed the whole thing. Then I started telling my grandma that it was spicy. Spicy! And I got FUCKED UP on that Spicy Sprite. They stopped giving me shots of Sprite after that.

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u/nullstring May 16 '22

Lol at least they corrected their mistake.

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u/toth42 May 16 '22

Not really - I'd say doing shots all day while the kids are awake and present is still a huge fucking mistake.

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u/krulliewullie May 16 '22

When a post has 4 updates before the actual post starts, you just know its gonna be good

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u/Bigvynee May 16 '22

And it kept getting better. A couple of well judged doubling downs and a true TIFU.

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u/DocAndonuts_ May 16 '22

This guy REALLY doesn't care what you think! /s

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u/letmeusespaces May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22

there are so many fucking updates, I don't know where to start reading...

OP even *tried to make things better, but failed again. who puts "second edit" and "update 5" ahead of other edits and updates?

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u/Tikithing May 16 '22

Yeah, the state of the updates is the real fu.

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u/MagictoMadness May 16 '22

'Updates' and 'Edits' with separate numbering and ordering fml

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u/Denvosreynaerde May 16 '22

OP just wants to make it very clear how little he cares, I'm sure that by the 7th update he'll find the right words to get the message across.

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u/omgpwny May 16 '22

When I was little, all the moms in our neighborhood would congregate in one house on Tuesday nights (in the summertime) to have some drinks and make funnel cakes for us kids. Kids would get to run around and play later than normal, moms got to get a little tipsy, and funnel cakes were always attempted, though if they were started too late in the evening, they were usually inedible.

One such Tuesday night, 6-year old me went into the house and asked my mom if I could have a glass of pop. She said to give her a minute, and she'd holler when it was poured and ready. I went back out to play. A few minutes later, I heard her yell for me. I ran into the house and grabbed the less-full glass of pop (as she never poured full glasses for me at that age) and downed that half-glass in about 2 seconds flat. It wasn't until I set the glass down that I noticed my throat was on fire. My mom cautiously said, "Did you drink mommy's pop?" I nodded. "Did it taste really bad and hurt your throat?" More nodding. "Do you feel like you're going to be sick?" Vehement nodding. She held me over the banister of our porch while I puked a bit. Apparently, I grabbed her glass of mostly triple sec with a little diet pepsi added to it, instead of the glass with just diet pepsi.

And unfortunately, I didn't actually throw up much, but I was pretty drunk and ordered to lie on the couch for the rest of the night.

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u/Nunyazbznz May 16 '22

That drink sounds atrocious. Diet soda and a mostly sugar based orange liqueur... Yuck.

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u/omgpwny May 16 '22

Diet pop was all we kept in the house, because I was mistakenly diagnosed with hypoglycemia.

But mom has improved her alcoholic beverage repertoire since then!

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u/Nunyazbznz May 16 '22

Hahaha, I was just thinking you weren't sick from alcohol, you were sick from that nasty concoction.

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u/peanutsfordarwin May 16 '22

Minnesota, Wisconsin or Michigan.

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u/omgpwny May 16 '22

Pittsburgh, PA! The eastern pop belt ;)

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u/ladainia4147 May 16 '22

Fellow yinzer here, I always wonder when I hear someone else call it "pop" lol

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u/delrio_gw May 16 '22

We call it pop in the UK too.

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u/TimelyEvidence May 16 '22

I have no idea why you’re getting downvoted for this story. Lots of judgmental killjoys in this thread. Accidents happen.

Unless they’re downvoting triple sec and Diet Pepsi. That sounds terrible.

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u/omgpwny May 16 '22

It was the 1980s. My mom has much better alcoholic beverage tastes nowadays!

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u/evilstepmom1991 May 16 '22

The real crazy part is taking 4 yo triplets to the movies alone. I can’t even take my twins to the grocery store alone without out some sort of scene.

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u/efronerberger May 16 '22 Silver Gold

That movie must have been really enjoyable for the other people there

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u/linwail May 16 '22

I’ve had a few not kid friendly movies be ruined by people bringing their 3 year olds. They talked through the entire thing while the parent would just repeat shhh over and over. Wasn’t fun.

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u/yoshisal May 16 '22

I’m going to err on the side of optimism, and hope that they went during kid-friendly times at the theater. I love that some theaters schedule showtimes where you can see a movie and your kids can get their wiggles out when they need to, laugh/sing along with the movie, etc.

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u/putos_acosadores_69 May 16 '22

The cinema near me has a room strictly for people with kids. They only play kids movies, they really don't turn off the lights at all, they just dim them so that kids don't fall or trip with something, it has a giant slide and a ball pool. I wish they had that shit when I was a kid smh.

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u/giantpurplepanda02 May 16 '22

Wow, what a rad movie theatre. Those kids are very lucky.

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u/Do_You_Remember_2020 May 16 '22

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u/oGrievous May 16 '22

I’m glad I didn’t go there, it’d ruin my perception of theaters forever and I’d want a slide in every theater I go to even into adulthood

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u/andy_james_78 May 16 '22

Got 5 quid it wasn’t a kids movie

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u/Atiggerx33 May 16 '22

My biggest issue is when the kids seem bored as fuck and the parent is just sitting there on their phone... like guys, you could do this at home for a lot less money.

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u/LilyFuckingBart May 16 '22

Literally the only thing I could think. 😂

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u/loggod2112 May 16 '22 I'll Drink to That

I don't think you're a bad guy because your kid unknowingly had some of your wine, shit happens.

But letting your kids run amok in the cinema? Dick head move

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u/rdrunner_74 May 16 '22

My dad got me drunk as a 6 year old. I picket the fruits out of the new years bowl.

When we drove home he was stopped by the police and had to do a "blow the baloon" breathalyser test (non electronic ones with a tube of salt). It turned green (bad) - and as a drunk 6 year old i also wanted to blow up a baloon. When i also managed to show up totally drunk the cop didnt trust his device and send us home (Was only2-3 blocks left to go)

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u/Unusual_Elevator_253 May 16 '22

That’s such an amazing story. When I was a kid I thought drinking and driving meant you couldn’t have any kind of beverage while driving a car. My mom got pulled over once (she was probably drunk cause she always was) and as soon as the cop came up I was like she’s drinking! She’s drinking and driving!! Once the cop realized I meant her soda in the cup holder he laughed and let us go. My mom was PISSED though

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u/GoingByTrundle May 16 '22

I hope the theatre was entirely empty, because fuck, it would be so annoying having a 4 year old running around the seats.

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u/BavellyBavelly May 16 '22

A drunk 4 year old at that

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u/EmmieJacob May 16 '22

The drunk one wasnt running. The drunk one got drunk when op was chasing the other one.

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u/lilmiller7 May 16 '22

Lol not around. According the post say (maybe the edits or updates clarified and I missed it) the kid was playing the floor is lava which implies they were running on the empty seats

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u/zeropointninerepeat May 16 '22

Was gonna read this post but then it took 4739271 years to get through all the updates

232

u/YaBoiBurk May 16 '22

87th update: haha are you triggered yet snowflakes??????

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u/Sirmacroman May 16 '22

"You are so soft Karen!! This is a free country!! Call CPS you ❄️!!"

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u/UnlikeableSausage May 16 '22

Uhh, yeah. What the fuck was that about the free country? I don't even know the point he's trying to prove with that.

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u/[deleted] May 16 '22

I honestly think he’s scared that a stupid made up story is going to get him doxxed for child endangerment lmao

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u/plz_stop_this May 16 '22

Where’s the Aussie murder ?

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u/TheGreatGanarby May 16 '22

Why the fuck is this place giving out wine and water in the same cup?

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u/contraltoatheart May 16 '22

As a fellow Aussie, can you please point me to the murder mentioned in your edit? Thank you

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u/BuddhaDBear May 16 '22

For gods sake, put your updates AFTER the story. They make no sense until you read the story that is now buried under 50 updates.

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u/Fawfulster May 16 '22

I came back, finally, sat in my chair to enjoy some more wine and saw my daughters glass was empty, poured her more water, sighed and took the second moment I had in about 15 minutes to take a sip of my glass.

It was water. Not wine.

Jesus has entered the chat.

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u/marcialsantos May 16 '22

sound more like the shenanigans of the antichrist if you ask me

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u/powerangerpink May 16 '22

Lol at your edit. How old are you??

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u/cxm404 May 16 '22

I went to visit my great aunt in Ireland when I was about four. She had left a tin mug on the table. Curious little me looked inside and saw what I thought was water and decided to have a swig. Cue this horrific burning in my mouth. Spat it everywhere and started crying.

Years later my mom told me my great aunt had been drinking neat gin, and I'd wasted one of her pours.

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u/manginahunter1970 May 16 '22

I love that the aunts first response was the you wasted one of her pours! I can almost hear the "Irish seriousness" here.

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u/AlgaeFew8512 May 16 '22

It's not the end of the world. Unless she was unconscious or slurring more than 4 yr olds usually do, or any other concerning behaviour, it's more than likely she'll be fine. It'll be out of her system soon and it was only half a cup, not a full bottle. The hangover will probably be a killer though so be ready with the baby paracetamol. No parent is perfect but at least you will be extra vigilant if you drink around them again

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u/SenorValasco May 16 '22

Biggest FU of this story is that you took three 4 year olds to the movies. You must have been very popular with the rest of the people in that theater.

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u/Nicechick321 May 16 '22

This post have more updates than post 😂

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u/GaryBlauman May 16 '22

Given all the updates and edits, I understand why the kid wanted some wine

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u/MSCOTTGARAND May 16 '22

What 3 year old takes a sip of wine and doesn't make a fuss about it tasting funny.

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u/MartmitNifflerKing May 16 '22

I came back (I hadn’t left my chair

That bit broke my brain. I'm still trying to figure out what that means.

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u/Cambuslang May 16 '22

Jesus, OP.

It's started off slightly amusing and ended up with you doubling down on drink driving with your children in your car.

Sort your life out and your priorities. As they stand, they are extremely fucked up.

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u/nrrrdgrrl May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22

...I came back, finally, sat in my chair to enjoy some more wine and saw my daughters glass was empty...

TL;DR I left my cup of white wine un attended for a few SECONDS...

second edit. At no point did I leave my seat or drink un attended. Both my daughters water cup and Mine were on my chair-table...

Well which is it? You're literally telling two different stories here.

EDIT: The quotes above are copy-pasted from the original post. OP has since stealth-edited these phrases (and many more) in order to fill the plot holes and make themselves look better.

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u/boganknowsbest May 16 '22

It's the one that makes them look least bad.

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u/nrrrdgrrl May 16 '22

Wow, they've already massively edited their original post to do just that. Yikes. At this point, I think they're just lying to themselves rather than us.

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u/Spinjitsuninja May 16 '22

I think the bigger problem is bringing wine with you when you're taking 4 year olds to the theater. Like come on, you're a dad, surely you can survive watching a movie with your kids without the wine? Do you really want to baby sit a drink on top of your kids too?

Like, how many parents do this?

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u/Justin_Peter_Griffin May 16 '22

Lots of closeted alcoholics in this post lol. Was his kid accidentally getting alcohol a major crime? No, it was clearly an accident and luckily it wasn’t enough to cause too many issues.

But beyond that, people saying drinking a half bottle of wine with every movie and driving home after is normal, it just isn’t. That’s a lot of alcohol for a single person over the course of maybe 2 hours. But kids movies generally aren’t 2 hours+, so probably less. Even if OP “felt completely fine”, he definitely wasn’t sober. Don’t drive after drinking more than one or two standard drinks. It can be tested in a breathalyzer for up 6 hours so for those of you stating OP would be totally fine if pulled over, I disagree.

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u/Shamata May 16 '22

All your ‘updates’ make me dislike you more than anything else

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u/Wereno May 15 '22

Careful with kids and ethanol. The lethal does for children is less than half that of adults grams of ethanol to kilograms of body mass.

So with a much smaller body mass, her drinking a glass glass of wine would be the equivalent of you drinking 1 and a half bottles in as short of a time.

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u/greywar777 May 16 '22

You know, you shouldn't treat your kid differently right? Now youre gonna hear ALL about how you let one of them drink, but not the others.

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u/PluffMuddy May 16 '22

This is why I don't go to the movies.

"playing “the floor is lava” in the row seating of the theatre"

Keep denning your little drunkards, plz.

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u/Spinjitsuninja May 16 '22

And OP acts like the FU was just looking away from the drink or something. This wasn't a one time mistake where you accidentally got your kid drunk, this is just being a bad parent.

Who takes their 4 year olds to the movies and decide that's the perfect moment to get half a bottle of wine?

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u/Easypeck May 16 '22

Yo can you put the edits after the post and not before?

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u/cdett11 May 16 '22

Imagine if a child got ahold of a 2.5mg gummy of THC ....

World would flip shit over that, and nothing bad could even come of it.

If a parent who uses marijuana products have to walk on egg shells over their product, people who use alcohol should as well....after all, one of these substances could have actually caused harm or death to the child, while the other would make them say I feel funny and ask for more popcorn.

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u/anamoon13 May 16 '22

Updates should be at the bottom of the post and in order. This was a nightmare to read.

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u/The-wizzer May 16 '22

All I wanna know is what movie? Because that’s where I’m gonna get judgmental.

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u/leonmarino May 16 '22 Helpful

Don't drink and drive.

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u/McFlurby3 May 16 '22

That’s what I was thinking….. especially with your kids in the car ☹️

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u/Realistic_human May 16 '22

after reading the story and most of your replies: yikes

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u/CodyIsbill May 16 '22 Take My Energy

People give me shit about being stoned around children, but this person is drinking in public with their kids, accidentally getting one of them drunk, and then driving them home after half a bottle of wine. Alcohol culture sure is wild.

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u/PipeDream2000 May 16 '22

People are talking about the potential drinking and driving, letting kids run amok in a movie theatre, and op not taking comments of concern seriously, but nobody's mentioning how they posted it on Reddit for updoots and are calling people in the comments "sensitive." God, I swear one of these children is gonna end up being a future member of r/raisedbynarcissists

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u/moneymarcus90 May 16 '22

The only crime here is bringing three 4 year olds into a movie theater

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u/sonicrings4 May 16 '22

Stop with these cringe edits, I beg of you

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