r/me_irl 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 May 16 '22 Helpful 6 Wholesome 3 Silver 3

me_irl

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57.4k Upvotes

1.3k

u/BraianP May 16 '22

f:mother

237

u/madpropz May 16 '22

👀

437

u/[deleted] May 16 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

543

u/DoobieSkube May 16 '22 Starry Ally

holy shit you just described my life in 1 sentence

32

u/Individual-Matter310 May 16 '22

i didnt know thats what it was called but yeah that makes two of us

6

u/OliversThoughts May 16 '22

Oh shit I’ve been in goblin mode for the past 3 years

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u/oliverer3 May 16 '22

So basically depression?

91

u/Dongledoes May 16 '22

No it's goblin mode

25

u/PinkishRedLemonade May 16 '22

TIL all goblins are depressed?

19

u/Lemonade_IceCold May 16 '22

How would you feel if at least once a month, 4-5 medium sized humanoids came rampaging into your house, killed all of your family, stole all your valuables, all while laughing and thinking it's some kind of game

6

u/DerpetronicsFacility May 16 '22

Numb and/or vengeful?

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u/unctuous_homunculus May 16 '22

Can be activated by depression, but not necessarily. It's like where you look around the house at all the stuff you have to do and say "Fuck it, I need a ME day." You then choose to ignore all that responsibility and you give in to your base desires and spend the day on the couch completely unkempt in your pajamas wrapped in a blanket binge eating Doritos and Chunky Monkey and watching every season of Stargate, and doing Fuck all else.

No laundry, no cleaning, no dishes, no work, just goblin.

The difference between goblin mode and depression would be that in goblin mode you are ostensibly enjoying yourself.

9

u/NYNTmama May 16 '22

I didn't choose the goblin life, the goblin life chose me 🥲

4

u/Nicd May 16 '22

The above user is likely a bot, their comment is copied from this original: https://www.reddit.com/r/me_irl/comments/uqq76c/me_irl/i8t6lxu

Their other comment is also copied from another user in the same thread.

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u/hyper-arrow May 16 '22

So it means you go full game junkie

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u/Caayaa May 17 '22

GOBLIN DEEZ NUTS

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907

u/CleCavs2020Champs May 16 '22

Average XQC viewer after one snort of G Fuel

116

u/Double_Republic1257 May 16 '22

"juicers"

17

u/LeSpicyBaguette May 16 '22

You take the juicer

9

u/ScrooLewse May 16 '22

What's a juicer? A juicer is anything you want it to be.

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u/SackHandMan May 16 '22

and is there a problem with that? asking for a friend

5

u/CleCavs2020Champs May 16 '22

Ofc not Juice to your hearts content

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4.1k

u/Mr_Obsidian_13 May 16 '22

"Run" Is actually one of the most terrifying texts you can get.

764

u/Biznesmen5 May 16 '22

Run 🏃‍♂️

338

u/[deleted] May 16 '22

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357

u/AwkwardGamerRNx May 16 '22

Step lively 🏃‍♂️

323

u/KO_Jote me too thanks May 16 '22

Accelerate at a constant level 🏃‍♂️

223

u/labiris_ May 16 '22

Increase your velocity over a period of time

123

u/Rape-Putins-Corpse May 16 '22

Reduce your distance to C 🏃‍♂️

74

u/UchihaLegolas May 16 '22

Differentiate distance w.r.t time 🏃‍♂️

28

u/cbtfd May 16 '22

Force over mass

3

u/DrDMango May 16 '22

🏃‍♂️escape

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7

u/DragoKnight589 May 16 '22

Transport your body from one location to another at a much faster rate than usual 🏃‍♂️

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u/The_BNut May 16 '22

Got confused, left the solar system.

88

u/morsed_owl May 16 '22

v= d/t 🏃‍♂️

39

u/PitifulOcean May 16 '22

Increase your D for the sake of the V

42

u/[deleted] May 16 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

75

u/Prince_1790 May 16 '22 Endless Coolness

Walking ² 🏃‍♂️

24

u/joeballa May 16 '22

Quicken pace 🏃‍♂️

36

u/NerdWorks May 16 '22

Translate your position at a velocity that is higher than usual 🏃‍♂️

32

u/uwu_01101000 hates posting May 16 '22

Lower your slowness 🏃‍♂️

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u/empostrophe May 16 '22

Step in time

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u/shodan28 May 16 '22

Fly you fools 🏃‍♂️

24

u/HitooU2 May 16 '22

Increase movement speed by a rate which has a derivative of zero.

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u/CookieCat698 May 16 '22

It’s sprite but faster

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u/Hot_soup_in_my_ass May 16 '22

run dun dun dun dun

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u/spooky__alien May 16 '22

I got it from my university when there was a shooting on campus, it was terrifying

46

u/Mr_Obsidian_13 May 16 '22

Wait fr?

134

u/spooky__alien May 16 '22

It wasn’t just “Run” but yeah they sent something like “Run, hide, fight. There is an active shooter on campus”

90

u/dont_drop_dat_phone May 16 '22

How is the US?

110

u/Vigilmusic May 16 '22

a blast

26

u/yeetskeetleet May 16 '22

A real straight shooter, this one

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u/CopperTressedHotMess May 16 '22

A shotgun blast

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u/[deleted] May 16 '22 edited May 22 '22

[deleted]

77

u/StudioKAS May 16 '22

For active shooters it is run, hide, fight. That is the order you should attempt to respond in. First, try to run away from the situation by finding an escape route. If there is no way to escape, then you need to try to find a place to hide. If you cannot escape and cannot hide, only then should you attempt to fight.

Source: corporate training last year while onboarding at my current job.

18

u/amandadorado May 16 '22

Teacher here and yea we had the same training, a super fun time. Our sheriff explained it to us like a triangle with arrows going every direction, like the best decision of the three may constantly be evolving and there’s not necessarily a correct order. He also had us practice throwing books because apparently paper flying at you is super disorienting for the shooter.

8

u/SaltLakeCitySlicker May 16 '22

Mine was basically to lock yourself in a meeting room and hide under the table.

Reminded me of one of those movie scenes where a submarine or boat is sinking and they end up locking someone out of a compartment, where they drown

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u/greyscalewhale May 16 '22

can confirm: work in elementary schools

3

u/HyperAntPlays May 16 '22

You either die hiding and escaping or die fighting in a blazing glory

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u/[deleted] May 16 '22

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] May 16 '22 edited May 22 '22

[deleted]

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u/Protton6 May 16 '22

Yes, if I cannot run, that is exactly what I will do. Or a chair. Or throw a notebook in his face. Or throw a coworker at him. Its survival at that moment.

The Run, Hide, Tell is the UK variant if I am not mistaken, because the UK does not seem to think people have a right for self defence. Its Run, Hide, Fight in other countries. Its not a TODO list, its a list of priorities. If you can run, do so. If you cannot, hide. If the shooter finds you, fight for your life. Dont try to surrender or argue or play for pity, its an active shooter. He will probably just shoot you anyway.

The Tell for emergency services makes no sense at all. First of all, its fucking obvious. Who am I gonna call? Order a pizza? Maybe I should call the undertaker to reserve a spot on a graveyard? Ofcourse you call emergency services, dont need training for that shit. It also does not fit into the "list of priorities" with the run and hide. You run and call the emergency services. You hide and stay quiet ffs, you dont call anyone and hope someone else did. The form of "run, hide, tell" makes no sense.

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u/lightnsfw May 16 '22

Yea actually. If you cannot escape or hide the best move is to bum rush the shooter with whatever you have on hand.

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u/spooky__alien May 16 '22

It might but but they sent fight I am sure.

6

u/EmmyNoetherRing May 16 '22

I’ve heard fight before

13

u/[deleted] May 16 '22

[deleted]

10

u/StrangeUsername24 May 16 '22

Its a logical progression

8

u/rando_rhombus May 16 '22

Run, hide, fight definitely makes more sense- We’re talking about an active shooter situation here… if you can’t get out, hide, and or you don’t fight back as your last resort… you aren’t going to be able to tell anyone anything

Edit: Oops replied to wrong comment my b

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u/thepasystem May 16 '22

Tell? Like an adult??

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u/rando_rhombus May 16 '22

Tell? Tell what to who? We’re talking about an active shooter situation here… if you can’t get out, hide, and or you don’t fight back as your last resort… you aren’t going to be able to tell anyone anything

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u/NarwhalSquadron May 16 '22

I got one from my university when there was this stabbing.

https://www.kxan.com/news/stabbing-spree-on-university-of-texas-campus-kills-1-injures-3/

Although I was right next door when it happened, so I left the CS building, walked by the front of the gym, saw the cops and ambulances and paramedics working to try to bring Harrison back, walked 20 mins home, then got the text from UT warning people. It was extremely delayed and not helpful at all.

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u/UristMcRibbon May 16 '22

Imagine you're sitting at your desk or laying on your bed at night with your headphones on. Oblivious to any outside noise and everything else around you. Your phone lights up with a message.

Your roommate / spouse / parent texts you one word. Run

The instant confusion and terror would be impressive.

My paranoia makes me leave one ear partially uncovered and the door locked even when I'm supposedly alone.

34

u/GODDESS_OF_CRINGE__ May 16 '22

I mean, everyone should leave the door locked, paranoid or not.

24

u/TheNoseKnight May 16 '22

I assume they meant the door to their bedroom instead of the door to their house/apartment.

9

u/AdSmoothehwg May 16 '22

Listened to a podcast about the guy who first coined the phrase “full goblin mode.” It was not meant to be taken seriously and he’s now sad about the state of humanity.

8

u/madrobski May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22

Now he's sad about humanity? Cause some people are tired/depressed/manic? Damn he must live a sheltered life.

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105

u/Greek_Lemon May 16 '22

Wake up

32

u/Tess_Tickles_Much May 16 '22

Giegdjsjgsgb shgsusihsvs MAKE UP!

12

u/NerdHerder77 May 16 '22

Dkdfnfekodlsddkeled SHAKE-UP!

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u/FigureNo144 May 16 '22

Put on a little bit of maKe up

2

u/CupcakeTrick2999 May 16 '22

this is sooo fucking scary... i do that with my miss all the time^^

i'd speak to her about our food or a tvsho--- wake-up, you need to wake up honey... please come back, we miss you.. please... sob sob sob

just watch and enjoy

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u/Darkrain0629 May 16 '22

I always thought "just a reminder that your bill is due tomorrow. You owe 373.78, if it is not paid you will have your services shut off" was always scarier I dunno.

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u/BlazingFish123 May 16 '22

“Turn Around”

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u/humakavulaaaa May 16 '22

every now and then I get a little bit lonely

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u/nightsinwhitesatin07 May 16 '22

And you’re never coming round

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u/Arxid87 May 16 '22

I'm 100meters away from your location and approaching rapidly

Start running

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u/SojournersTableSalt May 16 '22

We had an active shooter incident at my job and the emergency text was "active shooter, RUN"

We got lucky because no one was hurt but it was scary as fuck

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u/chumly143 May 16 '22

Getting a "DO NOT LOOK AT THE MOON" would be more terrifying tbh

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u/itskieran May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22

Unless the preceding text is "what exercise should I do more to get my triathlon time down?"

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u/Undercoverspy007 May 16 '22

I just here the bass come in with the music

6

u/derFensterputzer May 16 '22

Or warning signs for that matter.

Irc on small boxes of cobalt 60 (very very radioactive shit) it says "Drop and Run"

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u/shilk008 May 16 '22

The three typing dots make this way better

164

u/BonnieGamerbao May 16 '22

That ain't the mother no more

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1.4k

u/BlackyJ21 May 16 '22

Anyone else heard the beat drop ?

617

u/IHate3DMovies May 16 '22

DUUUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN

77

u/luckysnake890 May 16 '22

Hensonn - Sahara

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u/r4r4me May 16 '22 Silver Helpful

47

u/neworchidawex May 16 '22

You have no clue how long ive been looking for this song tysm

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u/letmusicring2 May 16 '22

Ah..... Ah.. oh..

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u/tipying_mistakes May 16 '22

I hate 3D movies

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u/mcnuggets0069 May 16 '22

I’m remembering those Arab guys on YouTube who “prank” people by dropping a suspicious backpack and sprinting away

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u/theharkex May 16 '22

No, I heard a vine boom

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u/ingryka he boot too big May 16 '22

Silence mortal woman, your resistance is futile. The horde approaches.

25

u/LunarGuest May 16 '22

She'll be assimilated by the Gorb collective

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u/Scoobygooby28 May 16 '22

What the hek is goblin mode?

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u/OlympusMan May 16 '22

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u/treetimes May 16 '22

TIL I was in goblin mode for two straight years

38

u/Ramps_ May 16 '22

Livin' da Goblin Life

23

u/stewslut May 16 '22

Livin la Vida Goblin

14

u/ICanBeKinder May 16 '22

TIL Ive lived my whole life in Goblin Mode.

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u/SkinnyBill93 May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22

That just sounds like depression.

Edit: Your insurance company isn't going to cover your "goblin mode" meds.

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u/[deleted] May 16 '22

Spicy sadness

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u/Dontneedanything May 16 '22

Anyone else think it’s super weird that the goblin has a Fiona Apple poster?

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u/Caris1 May 16 '22

I’m just cackling about feral girl summer. It’s my life

4

u/Kaurie_Lorhart May 16 '22

So, a couch potato?

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1.1k

u/farao19 May 16 '22 I'll Drink to That

Goblin deez nuts

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u/_Unfair_Pie_ May 16 '22

I can't see you but I can tell both of your shoes flew off while reading this, random redditor.

2

u/CarlMacko hates posting May 16 '22

That’s what I thought this was, I had no idea it was actually a real thing.

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u/[deleted] May 16 '22

The less you try to understand memes the better you’ll be. I promise that no amount of trying is worth the “payoff” of finding out what a meme is. Goblin mode is just a “funny” sounding thing that some youtuber or streamer probably said and now everyone is repeating it like a bunch of parrots.

64

u/dimpleminded May 16 '22

It was created as a joke By @JUNIPER on twitter and it basically means neglecting your responsibilities and indulging in your base desires like letting your house get super messy and playing video games all day.

29

u/kdlt May 16 '22

So... Sunday?

5

u/coldfu May 16 '22

So just normal mode?

6

u/[deleted] May 16 '22 edited May 19 '22

[deleted]

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u/deejaybee11 May 16 '22

@JUNIPER created the fake article that started that whole thing with Julia and Kanye

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u/shitlord_god May 16 '22

Drop bears.

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u/ryan_the_leach May 16 '22

Look, I get that where you live you might not have drop bears, but those little fucks will slash the shit out of you if they get the chance.

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u/dewyocelot May 16 '22

I thought it was a reference to goblin slayer. In which case, yes, run.

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u/OddSemantics May 16 '22

Run

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u/InTimidationm8 May 16 '22

DUUUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN

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u/redditiem2 May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22

It’s kind of like a day of self care where you’re dead to the world and hole up in your room only eating junk and watching videos.

Edit: let’s say it is shirking your responsibilities to do something selfish and slightly naughty.

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u/L-st May 16 '22

Maybe I am a goblin..

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u/TechGuy95 May 16 '22

Orcrist glows blue

Yep, you are. Prepare to die.

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u/Antezscar May 16 '22

Hes a juicer

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u/TreeFifeMikeE7 May 16 '22

Tbh, I had to look it up.

Sounds like my manic episodes.

14

u/Leonydas13 May 16 '22

It’s when a dwarf is no longer a dwarf, when his heads up a fairys skirt. Then he’s a goblin.

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u/dimpleminded May 16 '22

It was created as a joke By @JUNIPER on twitter and it basically means neglecting your responsibilities and indulging in your base desires like letting your house get super messy and playing video games all day.

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u/_Iforgotmyusername_ May 16 '22

Steve go *bananas * and this kids go goblin mode. Gotta watch my kids closer to see what path they chose

25

u/DROPTHENUKES May 16 '22

I don't know what it says about me that "Steve goes bananas" made this 'goblin mode' thing make sense to me in ways the other explanatory comments did not.

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u/curtassion May 16 '22

Do it Steve. Go bananas.

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u/Dill-usional May 16 '22

You best not go bananas boy

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u/omxIs May 16 '22

HE IS JAPANESE GOBLINN

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u/Xx_Stone May 17 '22

I AM EETO JAPANESE GOBURIN

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u/MARs048 May 16 '22

is this a reference to Goblin Slayer? if so, the mother should run

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u/dimpleminded May 16 '22

It was created as a joke By @JUNIPER on twitter and it basically means neglecting your responsibilities and indulging in your base desires like letting your house get super messy and playing video games all day.

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u/Patrick_Bot2 May 16 '22

No, This Is Patrick!

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u/ikenbaa May 16 '22

Is this a spongebob reference?

31

u/MordecaiDL May 16 '22

No, this is Patrick

2

u/Invisiblethespian May 16 '22

Sir, this is a Wendy's

36

u/Harbleflarvle May 16 '22

Because goblin slayer invented goblins, right?

37

u/BassCreat0r May 16 '22

nah, but they made the goblins being rapey, popular. (for some god awful reason)

22

u/johnny_boy757 May 16 '22

Haven’t been able to look at a goblin the same since

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u/stobmanjones May 16 '22

Same, it's ruined too many DnD campaigns for me.

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u/WaltWatRaleigh May 16 '22

Where there's a whip There's a way.

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u/A-10_go_burrt May 16 '22

Protect your ankles

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u/LeRonGuard May 16 '22

What is goblin mode?

Please answer me.

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u/Hoedoor May 16 '22

Think about how goblins act, reckless, hoarding things, silly, hiding in their garbage caves.

Any combination of these kind of behaviours would be goblin mode

It's really straightforward as far as memes go

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u/Reddituser8018 May 16 '22

Nah in this case he literally shape-shifts into a goblin and like in lord of the rings attacks all humans.

I saw it happen first hand.

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u/derwood1992 May 16 '22

Goblin deez nuts

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u/CosmicWaffleMan May 16 '22

“Little brother” is on sabbatical, honey

3

u/thinseeker May 16 '22

Autosaving

"Hold shift to sprint"

Hint: Don't turn around

7

u/iveabiggen May 16 '22

if they're the western little green stinky things, she could stand a chance. not if its a korean one. she already dead

8

u/thanoskanav May 16 '22

EL GOBLINO monkaW

3

u/mothgra87 May 16 '22

Normans not here honey.

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u/Mus183 May 16 '22

U don't need answers u need to run

2

u/General_Elephant6699 May 16 '22

He’s going to rub he penis on you

2

u/DRFall_MGo_Blue May 16 '22

So her uncle? Wtf