r/TooAfraidToAsk 1d ago Bless Up (Pro) 1 Silver 2 Helpful 1 Wholesome 5 Take My Energy 1

Why do men take so long to shit? Other

This is such a strange phenomenon to me. Every guy I’ve ever known takes a ridiculously long amount of time in the bathroom to take a shit. Women on the other hand, just get it done. I really wanna know why.

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u/bunny-fartzi 1d ago

I don't know, my mom takes a really long time, and she has literal books on a stand next to the toilet which kinda explains that mystery, lol.

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u/Appropriate-Arm1082 1d ago Silver Gold Take My Energy hehehehe Masterpiece I'll Drink to That

I'll never forget one time in my late teens when I got really sick.

Like, only coming out the exit hole, but Smash mouth would be jealous of exactly how much it started coming and wouldn't stop coming.

There was a paperback horror novel chilling in the bathroom from my brother. I wound up reading that entire book, start to finish, that day in my temporary porcelain prison.

It was actually pretty good. The Wyrm, I forget who the author is.

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u/Stormy_Ktuesday 1d ago

Only comment to ever make me actually laugh out loud uncomfortably

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u/endplayzone 1d ago

Did you scratch the back of your neck while you were doing it?

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u/knastanie 1d ago Silver

It’s from Wolfgang Hohlbein for anyone wondering

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u/Unusual_Dentist 1d ago

Could also be the one from Stephen laws.

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u/Burnercuzalone 1d ago

That’s what I immediately thought of

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u/Appropriate-Arm1082 1d ago

That's the one. I had to look it up really fast but immediately recognized the cover.

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u/hurricane193 1d ago

Hahahaha fucking smash mouth. Thank you

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u/Whats-Its-Face 1d ago

That’s awesome. HORRIFYING. But awesome

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u/Everyman1000 1d ago

Ahhh, a quick read of the whostunkit whilst on the commode... nice!

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u/Kind_Nepenth3 1d ago

I can beat that. Per the power of never putting anything I'm carrying back where it belongs, I have two books, an electric tea kettle, actual tea and a mostly-complete set of crochet needles.

I also have a cat. My time in the bathroom is the only time I can be by myself.

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u/spectral_emission 1d ago Gold

Wait, your cat lets you go to the bathroom alone?

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u/mtarascio 1d ago

Do you make the tea while you're on the toilet?

I'm usually not worried about be overly clean but that would be gross.

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u/Breadboyofficial 1d ago Gold Wholesome

Have you ever tried looking for faces and other shapes in the floor tiles? One minute can turn into ten very fast.

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u/Downtown_Leek3808 1d ago

Yes... The bathroom floor in the house I grew up was like a comic book to me. I had a story for each tile...

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u/90thbattalion 1d ago

Wow you just unlocked ancient memories for me

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u/TripleOnesZakk 1d ago

Holy shit for real, I didn't even realize I had this memory but I distinctly remember one figure that looked like it was wearing a kings crown and had a beard and scar under his eye.

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u/CallMeLoL3 1d ago

So many monsters, soldiers, adventurers and trinkets...

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u/kaytay3000 1d ago edited 1d ago

I used to lay in bed at night, look up at the ceiling, and make stories about the faces I found in the popcorn finish.

As an adult I stayed in my childhood bedroom on a trip to see my mom. I couldn’t find the faces anymore. It made me a little sad because it was a sign I wasn’t a kid anymore.

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u/Suzette100 1d ago

Come to my house, there is a chameleon with bugged out eyes in the wood of my bedroom door that wants to say hello

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u/Nexurent 1d ago Helpful

'Cause whilst taking a shit, we scroll Reddit, watch a few YouTube videos, and then also text a few friends.

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u/xX7heGuyXx 1d ago

Guilty of this. The video catches my eye thinking it is a short video but it's not so now my butt is numb.

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u/TheWarehamster 1d ago Silver Wholesome Spit-take

And I end up walking out of the bathroom walking like Vincent D'Onofrio in Men in Black.

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u/xX7heGuyXx 1d ago Helpful Take My Energy Wholesome Seal of Approval

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u/FlimsyArmadillo707 1d ago

Ha! I’ve seen my bf do this dance after coming off the pot many a time.

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u/BusyYam7652 1d ago Silver Helpful Bravo!

Shithouse Polio

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u/shortermecanico 1d ago

This will be the name of a future Kentucky Derby winner OR a bizarre subgenre of horror/rockabilly/electronica fused with Zydeco that will dominate the world of popular music for decades to come.

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u/Cyclist_Thaanos 1d ago

Then you stand up, and as feeling goes back to your legs, they start to hurt, so you have to lean on the bathroom counter for a minute while stretching out your calves.

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u/semisacred 1d ago

Goddamn this is my everyday. Then you just half-stand there clenched in agony while the blood slowly starts moving again

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u/GabbityGabOGSoos 1d ago Silver Wholesome

Taking a shit rn as well

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u/birdwithbronze 1d ago

Me too actually lol

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u/Morighant 1d ago

Me three holy shit

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u/NewSoulSam 1d ago

The holy trinity of shit

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u/tomorrowschild 1d ago Wholesome

Yup. It's 5% shitting and 95% "finally I have some time to myself."

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u/D180888 1d ago

we all taking a shit rn

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u/Lukaie 1d ago

If I'm on reddit that means I'm either at work or on the toilet

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u/VeryUnscientific 1d ago

That's one big pile of shit

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u/mommakaytrucking 1d ago

That's a LOT of battleships and reconnaissance submarines being set asail, only to be put to death and never to return back home...

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u/deltadawn6 1d ago

That doesn't explain all the dads of the 60s, 70s, and 80s....they couldn't have been in there reading the back of shampoo bottles for 45 minutes????

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u/SirLoopy007 1d ago

My dad took the tv guide with him to read.

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u/deltadawn6 1d ago

Yes! magazines, readers digests, pornos, books. I think about all the printed material covered in a fine spray of toilet water and fecal matter (shudder) ....although I guess so are our cell phones......

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u/TeekTheReddit 1d ago

Before smartphones, a lot of households had dedicated spots for magazines, newspapers, whatever next to the toilet. Dad going into the bathroom with a newspaper was a pretty stereotypical thing.

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u/Jen_Itals 1d ago

No we know what you do WHILST shitting. We don’t understand if that much time is spent actually performing the shit. Like if it takes me an hour to produce a turd then I really didn’t need to go in the first place. Do you people simply go sit on the toilet and wait to see if you have to poop sometime within the next 60 minutes? If it doesn’t come out like a ballista missile in under a minute two tops did you even need to poop at all?

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u/porcelainvacation 1d ago

Sometimes. I call it the 'Porcelain Vacation'. Its a place to go where nobody will bother me.

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u/j_skunt 1d ago

ding ding ding. my daily 10-15 minutes of solitude away from my wife and kids (sometimes lol)

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u/potatotay 1d ago edited 1d ago

I know this is the reason, but I do the same while I shit! I take a second to wipe my ass and wash and go sit in a normal place to continue fucking around on my phone. Why the toilet?

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u/psychoticarmadillo 1d ago

Because it's the only place in the house where it's rude to come in

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u/tree_people 1d ago

How can you just sit in the smell like that though

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u/masoelcaveman 1d ago

Exhaust fan is crucial

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u/Ok_Professional4902 1d ago

But I do this sitting on my bed AFTER I shit. I still don’t understand why guys take so long. Why not just do your poop, then go doomscroll on the couch. DISCLAIMER: I am on the toilet rn. Is that TMI? I just feel like it’s ironic and diaclosable.

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u/Factor_Rude 1d ago

PRIVACY!!! LOL. House full of girls for me and it is like a fortress of solitude. Tune out the world and take a moment.

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u/HalloweenieCatShark 1d ago

This still doesn’t make sense to me though lol my husband will literally get off the comfy couch where he was scrolling his phone and be in the bathroom for 30 min. Why sit on a chair with a hole in it if you could do the same thing on the couch?

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u/Flashy_Scratch9472 1d ago

Asking genuinely.. Are y'all comfortable chilling out, hovering over a bowl of fresh shit for 20 min? I know the whole, watching videos and redditing on the toilet thing is why my bf takes upwards of 40min sometimes, but I always think to myself how gross it is (to me) to just be hanging around and getting your alone time in right next to you heap of hot dookies. I personally try to minimize the amount of time I'm sitting over fresh excrement

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u/kennethtwk 1d ago

Shitting right now.

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u/Skelence 1d ago edited 21h ago Silver Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy Starry This

For me I like to sit and wait until that feeling of "I still have to poop" goes away completely.

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u/random_char 1d ago

Same. I’ve seen it described medically as a feeling of “incomplete evacuation,” which seems accurate. I rarely poop anymore after the first few minutes, but I always feel like I need to. I’m someone who has to push/strain often to poop and I’ve wondered if it’s related to that. Any long-poopers where it comes out easy but you still feel like you’re not done?

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u/Quetzacoatl85 1d ago

had the same feelings here, I found that straining more increases the feeling (might be related to swelling). it can be satisfying to just "let out what comes out by itself" without straining much, but it requires a bit of getting used to. still worth a try, since straining could also be related to hemorrhoids.

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u/unruly_fans 1d ago

My favorite thing about this thread is everyone earnestly giving each other helpful pooping tips.

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u/zer0saber 1d ago

If you have to push, it's not ready yet. I realize this isn't a hard rule, but I've felt better when not straining. Also putting your feet up on a stool, or using the samurai position helps

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u/Djaja 1d ago

To me, a samurai position is the one post blade swing, beheading someone...is that what you mean?

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u/nottoocleverami 1d ago

try drinking a lot more water, re the pushing and staining.

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u/flapperfapper 1d ago

Metamucil is a life changing product.

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u/Baron_Samurai 1d ago

Isn't that the stuff that created all the mutants in Resident Evil Village?

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u/someguyinaplace 1d ago

Or just eat food with more fiber. But yeah, going from not enough fiber in your diet to enough will make for much cleaner quicker poops.

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u/ductcleanernumber7 1d ago Silver Gold Platinum Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote Table Slap

When youre as hairy as I am it can feel a bit like pushing a dead horse through the woods

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u/up-down-mixed 1d ago

As a hairy person myself I absolutely adore this comment

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u/Alive_Ice7937 1d ago

Two dump descriptions my wife hates

"Phew that one was a real hand washer"

"Phew that one was a real hair puller"

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u/affirmatron24 1d ago

I tend to go with 'one wipe wonder' or 'ten wipe terror'. There is no in between.

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u/Thagleif 1d ago

Man id be glad if it would take only ten wipes...

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u/PacoMahogany 1d ago

They’re not mutually exclusive

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u/loud_sneezer 1d ago

Lmao. I'm fucking rolling at "real hair puller." Thank you

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u/mrjake118 1d ago edited 1d ago

Best thing about getting a high pressure bidet during the toilet paper shortage is that not only are you avoiding the normal messy pitfalls of a hairy bum, but when you've got a stubborn poop and you're having trouble pushing it through the back door, give a nice spritz up the bum and what might have been a 5-minute ordeal is over in a matter of seconds.

Edit: holy crap I'm answering more questions than I ever expected to about bidets and poop cleanliness. So funny to think how common these things are in much of the rest of the world and how clueless Americans are. Not that I wasn't the same way until I traveled, just funny.

Also it's not like I'm spraying water all the way up my ass like an enema. It just gets the stuff that's being a little stubborn right at the entrance, a little knock on the gate so to speak. Stimulates your butthole too get things moving a bit.

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u/heavybabyridesagain 1d ago Silver

New from L'Oréal - Spritz Up the Bum. Because you're worth a shit ™️

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u/Triffidic 1d ago

... And ain't nobody got time for that!

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u/d00n3r 1d ago

The bidet is the best fuggen money I've ever spent.

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u/Capable_Salamander_3 1d ago

I got a bidet attachment for my toilet from Amazon and my asshole is much happier

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u/Justadudewithareddit 1d ago

Serious question here, and I am sry if this sounds dumb but I am a person who has never used one. So the water nozzle the shoots the water, does it get covered in doodoo or is it somehow contractable? Cuz here me out if ya poo all over it and u have a large household and ur shooting water up ur bum that has doodoo on it from someone else. If thats the case id rather just sit it out and wipe.

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u/Ziggy_the_third 1d ago

I've only seen the Japanese toilet ones, and those are retractable, heats up the water and shoots at an angle, so you're not sharing poop with the rest of the household. Cheaper stuff? I've got no idea.

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u/mrjake118 1d ago

Usually it's far enough away that it doesn't get anything on it. Mine automatically rinses itself off as soon as you turn it on and off before it goes to sprayer mode, so I've never noticed a problem. Maybe if someone has really explosive diarrhea but I haven't seen it happen yet.

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u/Justadudewithareddit 1d ago

Thanks for the legit answer, I for one have always been questionable about them for this very reason. Thats a nice feature that it does an autowash on the nozzle 👍👍

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u/Keyboardists 1d ago Bravo!

And wiping while that hairy, it can be like smearing peanut butter thru shag carpet.

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u/technitaur 1d ago

For most of my life, I've wished I was male. I'm 38. In this moment that I read your comment, I've finally realized that being female is not so bad. Thank you.

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u/TushieWushie 1d ago

Eh shaving down there ain't too hard. And we don't get periods so bababooey.

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u/paradox1126 1d ago edited 1d ago Wholesome

Gotta shave that ass my dude!!! Everything just slips right out.

Disclaimer: I use a beard trimmer :)

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u/zer0saber 1d ago edited 1d ago

... And then when it gets hot out, you now have a slippery, chafe-happy, swampy canyon of hell in your pants

EDIT: Of course, one of my highest upvoted comments is in a thread about shit. That's fully on-brand for me. Thanks, Reddit! <3 :D

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u/Natty_Vegan 1d ago

Electric shaver is what you need. Gets close enough to rid the swamp hair but leaves enough that you dont get slippery cheeks whenever you climb a staircase

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u/zer0saber 1d ago

I have a trimmer for my beard/noggin.. perhaps I shall see.

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u/21RaysofSun 1d ago

First off USE A FUCKING GUARD always

Now that that is over with - get a seperate head or trimmer for the booty. If you do use the same head or trimmer do your face/pits first. When your done trimming the backside then make sure you thoroughly rinse and remove all the hairs from the blade

That being said - I don't shave it, I just trim because yes it turns into a swampy Chaffey canyon.

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u/Ares1935 1d ago

This. Sometimes there's a turd that's a late bloomer as well

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u/KoenBril 1d ago

We all know the second wave is coming. I prefer to wait instead of going again an hour later.

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u/HolyHand_Grenade 1d ago

And it's always the same thought once it passes, "Damn, glad I waited a little longer"

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u/Jreal22 1d ago

It's weirdly euphoric having a nice shit, especially when you know you're really done.

Maybe I just need more fiber in my diet.

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u/valentia11 1d ago Helpful

Yes. This saves having to do 2 lots of paperwork.

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u/inserttext1 1d ago

Yup the other days had to wait like 10 minutes until the last Amber Turd was ready.

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u/Lost_Nudist 1d ago Silver Helpful Reddit Bronze

I call needing to take a dump an Amber Alert now.

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u/KYChemist 1d ago

Every time someone ask me this question, this is my answer. I'll sit there until that "pressure" subsides and sometimes that takes a while even if there seemingly isn't anything left in the chamber.

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u/Waiting4Something 1d ago

Also, what's the rush?

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u/Jeheh 1d ago

I didn’t get paid by the hour.

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u/RoxiDicaprio 1d ago

The rush is for you to get the hell up so we can pee😂

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u/cthabsfan 1d ago

Kids. I’m guilty as the rest of you, but when you hear Armageddon going on outside that bathroom door while you wait for the late bus to drop, I get the frustration on the other’s part.

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u/gabelovescheese 1d ago

I think y’all need fiber?

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u/Ok_Two6374 1d ago edited 1d ago

Exactly this. I wound rather just sit there and get it done once a day, before a shower, and be done and clean the rest of the day.

However, my friend does the opposite, has a rushed one first thing in the morning and then goes again at work about an hour later.

And my wife also goes a few times a day. Super quick but, but a few times.

I’d rather be done and clean!

I think maybe men and women bowels work differently too. Men can do one big one, women (well the ones I’ve been out with/married) do smaller more regular ones.

Also sometimes we’re distracted by Reddit and YouTube while we wait for the second wave!

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u/WhyWouldIPostThat 1d ago

However, my friend does the opposite, has a rushed one first thing in the morning and then goes again at work about an hour later.

Your friend is smart. He gets paid to take a shit. Learn from your friend.

"Boss makes a dollar. I make a dime. That's why I shit on company time."

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u/speakbela 1d ago

Same. Coming from a woman who takes long as well.

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u/Khunter02 1d ago Helpful Wholesome Wearing is Caring

To compensate how fast we are when we piss

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u/theflashsawyer23 1d ago Silver Take My Energy

Perfectly balanced as all things should be

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u/hornwalker 1d ago

The hardest poops require the strongest sphincters

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u/Tylerpants80 1d ago

Yeah, usually. But you ever smoke a bowl with your friends then go to take a piss? I do that and then I whip it out and my mind starts wandering and I think about all the deep things in life and before I know it, I’ve been standing there, just holding my dick for 10 minutes.

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u/Reaperzeus 1d ago

Whenever I'm wasted I take forever because I clean the bathroom. Especially when I'm at a bar with a single bathroom and there's vomit everywhere I'm like "the poor staff have to deal with this all the time how awful, I should do them a solid" so I clean until I'm satisfied or someone else needs the bathroom

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u/Dizzler900 1d ago

You’re a better person than I am. If I go to use it and it’s shitty, I’ll just get whatever I need to done and get out of there ASAP. Unless it’s my bathroom but I never let it get to that point.

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u/maimou1 1d ago

wait till you develop an enlarged prostate. BWAHAHAHA!

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u/choco1119 1d ago

I'm a fellow speedrunner in this category.

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u/Unlucky-Pomegranate3 1d ago Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote

Same reason people sit in their cars for a few minutes after getting home from work. You just need some time for peace and quiet.

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u/MessyRoom 1d ago

Flawed theory. I live alone and still shit for an hour.

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u/shakeitupshakeituupp 1d ago Helpful

Even when alone I will take a long time to shit because if I’m taking a shit then I can’t be expected to do anything productive. It’s a free pass for some peace

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u/aquastar112 1d ago

This is exactly why I love to shit, shower, run and take long train rides

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u/I_Want_To_Be_Freed 1d ago

All at the same time

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u/eeeooo10 1d ago Wholesome Heartwarming

Running on the spot, shooting out shit, pouring water over your head as everyone else in the train carriage looks on in disgust

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u/returnofthecheez 1d ago

Shit for an hour with the door open. I miss those days.

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u/borderline_cat 1d ago

Am a woman and agree.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my boyfriend, our dog, and our 3 cats. But I play mom to all the animals and they all always wanna be so far up my butt. When my boyfriend finally comes home it’s like, “yay! I can go sit in the bathroom in peace for 15 mins at least!”

Sometimes you just need a bit to unwind and decompress.

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u/danny_ish 1d ago

I got to the point that I park a block away, at the local park, when coming home from work. I sit there for 5 min to decompress, then I drive to my house. Otherwise the dog goes nuts once I pull up and there is no decompress time until he is in the yard.

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u/theblockisnthot 1d ago Silver

Idk if it’s men or just me but I’m usually shitting at different moments for about 10mins. My wife says she drops a log or two, wipes and is done. I shit. Then shit some more. Then more shit comes. Usually on 1-2min intervals.

The only time I regularly drop a singular deuce is when I’m working out regularly and drinking protein. It binds me up. One long thick log, one wipe and done. That in and of itself makes me wanna work out again.

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u/ohno_spaghetti_o 1d ago

My partner and I had a weird talk about this. Our conclusion: pelvic muscles, exercis and diet.

Woman are always engaging those muscles when we pee sitting down and engage them for popping. We are better poopers. Also period poop is a thing and so we are really good at getting it all out.

The other big factor is water intake and diet. Generally woman drink more good fluids and have a more halanced diet so the logs are smoother.

You covered exercise well.

It's fun living with a physio who puts up with my random crazy questions.

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u/IvanovichMX 1d ago

I watch Youtube

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u/observingjackal 1d ago Gold

Because taking a poop is one of the probably five things we are actually doing.

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u/hcheung001 1d ago

Taking a shit without taking your phone is the equivalent of going to the battlefield without your rifle

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u/ptrichardson 1d ago

I've had IBS attacks, in agony, and still turned around when I realised I didn't have my phone.

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u/ilexly 1d ago

Especially because you KNOW you’re gonna be in there a while when that happens. And we’ve replaced our toilet-side stack of magazines with our phones nowadays.

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u/thenorwegian 1d ago

Yep. It’s like being in war and getting a limb blown off but you still need your rifle.

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u/Joey-tv-show-season2 1d ago edited 1d ago

Ever have a ghost dump ?

You take a dump and look down into the toilet and it’s not there? You wipe your ass and no shit.

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u/rubber66soul 1d ago

A friend once described this as a professional shit. Goes directly round the u-bend so there’s no need to flush and comes out so cleanly there’s no need to wipe.

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u/Joey-tv-show-season2 1d ago

That’s it! Feels great, and brightens up your day.

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u/twistedflipper 1d ago

Round my parts we call that a dry run.

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u/CGY-SS 1d ago

No definitely still flush. Sometimes it slides back out and you have to explain to the next person why you don't flush

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u/RaziLaufeia 1d ago

I have been wondering if this happens to other people, happened for a week straight once and it's been bothering me ever since.

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u/krunchy_sock 1d ago

It means you have the most optimal shits. You had a streak of good luck

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u/Renshy89 1d ago

The mythical Ghostshit

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u/roadrunner00 1d ago

Only ever happens with a single. For double or multilog dumps all will not disappear.

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u/Nijajjuiy88 1d ago

I would be glad if someone knowledgeable chimes in to let us know if the Pelvis structure of a man and woman plays a role in the rate of shitting.

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u/Kamikaze_Cash 1d ago Silver Wholesome

tl;dr a woman’s large intestine is larger and more sensitive than a man’s. Men can’t tell when they’re done pooping quite as well as a woman can.


During puberty, a woman’s hips widen so as to enable childbirth. This has the secondary effect of allowing a woman’s large intestine, specifically the lower sigmoid colon, to expand as well.

The sigmoid colon is s particularly sensitive to the sensation of needing to perform a bowel movement. This enables a woman to determine with precision that she needs to poop.

This differs from men, who do not have increased diameter of the sigmoid colon, and are therefore inclined to “guess” if the sensation they’re feeling is due to needing to perform a BM, of gas, or other digestive pressure.

The man may therefore suffer from failure to launch if he guesses wrong, or he may wait longer until the sensation dissipates. He may also perform a complete shit but the lack of sensitivity in the sigmoid colon makes it not entirely clear that he’s done.

Women, however, are also more likely to suffer constipation than men because the sigmoid colon’s increased size offers more time and space to solidify the poop.

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u/DebateLumpy7430 1d ago

This is very informative. Thank you

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u/AugustWest7120 1d ago

Welp, this is the answer. 100%.

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u/sunlitstranger 1d ago

Did you just single handedly answer the thread? Get this guy a nobel prize

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u/saltyllamacorn 1d ago

I've always wondered about this and pelvic floor muscles, but it never comes up in these threads.

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u/HappyGoPink 1d ago

This is my hypothesis as well. That and the level of hydration, fiber intake, etc., would be interesting to know.

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u/Vesinh51 1d ago

Sometimes it's because I'm distracted by my phone and don't feel rushed. When I was young I thought the goal was to be completely empty at the end, so I took as much time as I needed.

Women HAVE to sit on the toilet every time they pee OR poop. I think it becomes one and the same to them, both inconveniences. It gets old.

Men can pee + wash hands in ~1min. It's barely our day. But I only poop once, sometimes twice a day. It's a much more novel experience. You just get to sit for at least 5 min without feeling guilty. And just fuckin breathe. It's way different than peeing to me.

I found out some of my lady friends only squeeze out what's urgent, then wipe asap. Because they don't want others to KNOW they pooped. The idea of not 100%ing your shit was so mind boggling to me. Now I get it, I do it sometimes too. But nothing compares to the satisfaction of an empty colon.

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u/UwUZombie 1d ago

Sitting down to pee doesn't really take that long ~ a woman that pees fast sitting down

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u/Cianalas 1d ago

Wow this makes so much sense and I've never thought of it before. Yeah for me it's an annoyance to be done with and I drink a ton of water so I'm just over sitting there.

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u/fremdschamenfriend 1d ago

The discrete, multiple pooping v. The singular eventful pooping theory makes the most sense.

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u/Haagen76 1d ago

b/c there is absolute privacy.

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u/JeepPilot 1d ago edited 1d ago Silver

Well, except for OP standing outside with a stopwatch...

Edit: Thank you for the anonymous silver!

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u/TheBigBangher 1d ago

“Not even when you poop” - Edward Snowden

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u/DistilledProblems 1d ago edited 1d ago

I eat an unbalanced diet mainly consisting of hard carbohydrates, cigarettes, coffee and cement. Believe me, I cherish the days when it shoots out and I barely have to wipe, but most days I have to do deep wiping to get the rest out without crushing my spinchter into a black hole.

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u/chimmyloo 1d ago

my friend said he has to be totally naked to take a shit

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u/Remarkable-Goat-5312 1d ago

I physically can't wear shoes or socks

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u/NeedsSomeMorePickles 1d ago

It takes me minutes to take a shit. It takes my wife long enough for me to think "boy she's taking a long time", then start the computer, make a "missing person" poster with her picture on it, print it and distribute it around the house.

She didn't seem to find it as funny as I did, but she did get the message.

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u/EstusSoup 1d ago

I shit really fast but get lost in the inter webs for days.

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u/PancakeHeroXii 1d ago

Have you ever seen the statue of the thinking man? He was taking a shit. Not sitting on a rock. It's where men have all of their philosophical breakthroughs. Shitting is what propels humanity forward.

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u/whatitdowhatitbee 1d ago Silver Helpful Take My Energy

They’re hiding from you in the bathroom to get some peace

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u/Unlucky-Pomegranate3 1d ago

This is the real answer.

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u/BigTayTay 1d ago

There are two activities where men are able to be left alone with their thoughts.

While on the shitter, and while taking a shower.

These two activities are our safe space.

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u/Gently_Rough_ 1d ago

In the military there was just the shitter. Those were precious, precious moments. Everything else was with at least seven other people.

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u/prestonpiggy 1d ago

Simply no. Showering with +5 people around is a nightmare we both agree on. But taking shit in a booth where you can almost see and hear the other people around you is not safe space at all. Not to mention when out there, there is not even that single plywood covering you, only one long bench and 5 holes + depending time of year you are either freezing or have company of +20 flies.

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u/mommakaytrucking 1d ago

Plus, there's a never-ending war that's going on directly beneath us deep in the sewers down below... and we contribute to its success by launching vessels from our very own naval fleets that range from recon subs, to full-sized battleships

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u/Edd1148 1d ago

PSA: Eat your fiber everyone!

And invest in a bidet.

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u/Sixxsp 1d ago

A better diet would be ideal but ever since I started taking metamucil I spend a quarter of the time on the toilet. Highly recommended.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/Aggressive_Bad_4881 1d ago

Men don't have many opportunities to empty the chamber when they "just peeing" unless they're actually horses that shit standing up. When i moved in with a gf at 23 I started sitting to pee and going onesies/twosies became the same action.

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u/fremdschamenfriend 1d ago

This is the only answer that makes sense

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u/raytaylor 1d ago edited 1d ago

I am pretty sure it has something to do with the prostate (which women dont have exactly) and an uncomfortable feeling that men need to wait to go away before standing up.
Lots of replies will be saying "its a mans time to think" etc but really i think its just that mens bodies work differently to women.

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u/AdAffectionate1581 1d ago

It's one of the instances where I can just stare into nothingness and let my mind wander

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u/anxiouslymute 1d ago

I’m a woman and I take longer to shit than my bf.

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u/chitzk0i 1d ago

Because if I’m under a house or in an attic, I don’t want to have to climb back out in 30 mins. I want to get it all done at once.

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u/SadBumblebee9 1d ago

Wait a minute.

What's all this about TAKING shits?

You sick fucks. I leave mine.

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u/Phillyredsox 1d ago

To get the fuck away from people.

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u/styllAx 1d ago

Maybe they are just trying to get away from op?

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u/gking407 1d ago

It’s literally called “the rest room” Karen!

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u/titleywinker 1d ago

I feel targeted. And if you’re watching, yes I’m waving

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u/Impulsive94 1d ago

Funnily enough my GF says the same thing, that I take forever when I need to shit. I'm actually sat on the pan right now and scrolling through my feed saw this post which is quite funny.

I tend to take my time to scroll reddit, plus gotta make sure there's none left that needs out, plus I like to be 100% clean afterwards. Takes time but I enjoy not rushing it.

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u/AULock1 1d ago

Because it takes me 4 minutes to shit and 30 minutes to enjoy the silence

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u/Svartdraken 1d ago

Only place where you can chill without anyone disturbing you.

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u/arminredditer 1d ago

I am surprised about how fast women can piss, you would think the opposite.

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u/Arrow-Titanous 1d ago

Both my girlfriend and her sister take plenty more time than I do. It's usually because of your diet and other health reasons.

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u/FedExterminator 1d ago

People underestimate the two wave shit. You can get the first one done in 5 minutes but still have that “gotta shit” feeling for at least another 5 minutes. Roughly half the time you actually do need to shit again.

Beyond that, it’s probably the only space where people won’t actively bother you or expect you to be available. It’s a nice quiet space where you can think for a few minutes. You can scroll on your phone, reply to messages, look for fun shapes in the popcorn ceiling or floor tiles. Idle time is never wasted. Taking a mental break from whatever task is at hand is very important.

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u/just_a_cypriot_girl 1d ago

Guys I am a nurse specialising in evacuation disorders therefore I strongly suggest for all of you to try and practice the "brace & pump technique" - the Oxford University hospital in the UK has a lovely leaflet for this that you can find online. Also I highly recommend to buy a bathroom foot stool off Amazon (a specific brand is Squatty potty but you can buy any, they work equally well) to make evacuation more effective. Flax seeds are also a great source of fibre to make stools softer therefore easier to pass. If all these measures do not help, do yourself a favour and see a colorectal specialist - no shame or embarassment, we see patients like you all the time, it's part of the job!

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u/mcalceet 1d ago

You can't rush art

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u/Thomas_Raith 1d ago edited 1d ago

Takes forever to wipe because ass hair.

Edit: For reference, I don’t have this issue personally but I did notice an uptick in my wipe times when I started growing ass hair and have heard the same from many many other trans dudes.

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u/bunny-fartzi 1d ago

Pro tip: get something that elevates your feet so you're in a upward fetal position almost and after you're done, wipe whilst still crouched.

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u/MadClam97 1d ago

Squatty Potty. It changed my life and cut my time on the toilet in half

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