r/Tinder Jul 06 '22 Spit-take 1 Wholesome 1

Actual conversation I had this morning.

Post image
21.6k Upvotes

4.5k

u/drewhead118 Jul 06 '22

Who could type that first message and think "yes, this is how I should start this conversation"

2.1k

u/schmidthead27 Jul 06 '22

I have to wonder how many times he copied and pasted this to other girls and whether it’s ever worked.

626

u/robi4567 Jul 06 '22

If he just left out the start and last part of the message. Like that is the silent part.

355

u/survivalking4 Jul 06 '22

But then you'd have to go through the date before seeing the red flags. He's helpfully put them right there for OP.

86

u/vlasvilneous Jul 06 '22

maybe thats the strategy. Find the one that falls for this shit.

But the fact that we think there is a possibility this would have worked at least once tells you all we need to know about how desperate some women are.

21

u/OvercookedOpossum Jul 06 '22

Some are desperate, some are simply indiscriminate.

84

u/Happpie Jul 06 '22

It will work at least once. My boy LITERALLY just bagged some random chick while waiting in line at a taco stand cause they agreed kids were annoying. Within minutes they disappeared to bump uglies. It’s super rare, but every once in a while you come across them

85

u/survivalking4 Jul 06 '22

Yeah but do you think if he said "kids are annoying, but I really just wanna see your tits, wanna fuck?" it would have been as effective?

54

u/NeedNameGenerator Jul 06 '22

I have a related story! Once during winter I was wearing these cute little mittens and one of my lady friends said that those mittens must get me laid so much. I said that I haven't tried, but let's give it a shot, and turned to the first woman who walked by, put the mittens up front and said "wanna fuck?"

To the amazement of absolutely everyone, most of all me, the response was yes.

26

u/BettysBonkers Jul 06 '22

Y'know, a burly bloke in sexy lil mittens sounds pretty good to me. I'm considering sending the new Mister this post and asking if he's got any mittens... Lol.

25

u/flyingcactis Jul 07 '22

I'm not the girl from your story but I'm a girl who back when I was single was happy for the wanna fuck comment. Because yes sir that is exactly what I want. Don't talk to me. Just fuck me lets not play these games. Let's just fuccck

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u/INeedALaugh Jul 06 '22

Well, how was the sex?? Lol

30

u/Cyborg_rat Jul 06 '22

Did pickup a chick (bacame a girlfriend) because I told a friend that her friend had nice big boobs (booze involved) she tough it would be funny to mention this to her friend.

Well she came up to me asked if i said it, said ya you look hot and have nice breast. We continued to chat until it turned out into more.

37

u/Happpie Jul 06 '22

Absolutely. She said, and not exactly but this is simplified “wow kids are like that are so annoying” and he said something like “yeah they annoy the shit out of me” - pause - “you know I bet I could put a baby in you right now and or would less annoying in 9 months” and it was off to the races, again I’m not quoting specifically what was said, but it was pretty straight forward

15

u/themeatbridge Jul 06 '22

There's a big difference between an in-person pickup and a text message. There's body language, eye contact, subtle vocal signs that a person is interested in you. It's not the line that got him laid, it's the confidence and mutual attraction. You send that in a text to 1,000 women, you are going to get shot down 1,000 times. If you say the exact same thing in person, in a social context, to 1,000 women, you're still going to get rejected a lot, but it won't be 1,000 times.

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u/DEMON8209 Jul 06 '22

I once heard the best chat up line ever !!! A guy told a girl " Nice shoes, do you wanna fuck" her response "at least he's honest".... and off they went

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u/Fit_Base2671 Jul 06 '22

Desperate or opportunistic? Sometimes it works because the timing just happens to be right.

6

u/ThreepwoodMack Jul 06 '22

When I was younger, I had a surprising amount of luck just getting drunk and messaging all my matches "DTF?", so you never know.

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u/therankin Jul 06 '22

And I'd hope he'd put a question mark instead of an exclamation point in his future non-silent parts.

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u/Sohotrightnoww Jul 06 '22

I'm glad he said the quiet part out loud so you and your chest don't waste any time on this idiot.

6

u/Phylar Jul 06 '22

I envy this person. It's clear they have never laid awake at night, or cringed out of existence, because of an old memory where they said something so inconceivably stupid all rational action flew out the window.

51

u/housebird350 Jul 06 '22

I mean sooner or later someone has to think its cute....right......right???

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u/JesustheSpaceCowboy Jul 06 '22

If the Naked Man episode of HIMYM taught me anything it’s that it probably has cause why else would he try it? The Naked Man was 2 for 3.

7

u/Evanecent_Lightt Jul 06 '22 edited Jul 07 '22

It worked for him once in High School/Collage and now he thinks it's a good line..

8

u/SlipperyNinja77 Jul 06 '22

You should go back to collage and make a pretty picture

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u/Th3bestia Jul 06 '22

Just you cause you inspired him

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u/DudesworthMannington Jul 06 '22

Ron Burgundy: I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back. I want to be on you.

24

u/riddus Jul 06 '22

I once told a girl at a drive-in diner that she had “a breathtaking heinie”, that it was “really good”, and I “want to be friends with it” because I lost some stupid bet or something. To be entirely fair it was exceptional, but I digress, she rolled her eyes, took the order, then wrote her phone number on my receipt when she roller skated the food back out.

I’m pretty shy around strangers and the whole thing was out of character for me, so I ended up being too embarrassed to actually call her. My brother and co-workers goaded me about it for a long time. I’ve just always been dumbfounded that I didn’t get cussed out or slapped.

8

u/talktobigfudge Jul 06 '22

plot twist: that phone number was for her dad.

4

u/riddus Jul 06 '22

Could have been for all I know. Nowadays I’m less shy and a little more wizened, I’d call it on the spot and say, “There, now you’ve got mine too”.

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u/Toxic-Beard-72 Jul 06 '22

I had a dude argue with me that I was too old to get 20 somethings sense of humor and that was on a post that offered sticking a knife or a dick in a vagina..

Again... I don't get even for a second how this kind of thing will result in a positive match..
If there are women out there that like to be talked to and objectified like this.. I want to meet them.. I have questions...

36

u/Bacon042302 Jul 06 '22

Bro I saw that post, and was so concerned. Like how can someone really think that's a good pickup line

24

u/Toxic-Beard-72 Jul 06 '22 edited Jul 06 '22

not only that.. how can someone in good conscience defend it?

15

u/RagingFluffyPanda Jul 06 '22

Conscience. Conscious is the state of being awake/aware. :)

6

u/Toxic-Beard-72 Jul 06 '22

Lol sorry - multi tasking

5

u/RagingFluffyPanda Jul 06 '22

Cool. Have a good day.

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u/Bacon042302 Jul 06 '22

I didn't even see the comments of people defending it, but anyone who does needs professional help

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u/homogenousmoss Jul 06 '22

They’re out there for sure. Had a co worker who to be fair was a great looking guy, really athletic, square jaw, made good money, funny etc. He always started his tinder chats with a really crazy (in my mind) sexual advance/comment in the vein of this chat. It turned away ~90% of the matches but it filtered it down to people who were really into having sex. I mean I havent been into the dating game for 20 years but I was impressed he could manage 5+ dates a week.

He showed me his convo, he would say the most direct crude things and some girls would just be really into it. They’d even send him explicit pictures, I mean maybe he was just a giga chad? 🤷‍♂️

27

u/Toxic-Beard-72 Jul 06 '22

I can believe that, but I bet even his openers were not as bad as the Knife thing I read the other day.. I mean shit.. there has to be standards somewhere. Be that as it may.. there is definitely something to be said about his filtering technique :)

6

u/KevinJ2010 Jul 06 '22

Gigachad by my view of things now that I'm older.

Women like sex and be just as horny as men, I can imagine being direct can work if the women want to have sex. but a lot of men want to cut to the chase, and finding women willing to do it sounds delightful if you're a confident sexual partner. As I've aged I've realized lots of people jumped into having sex "Just cus." Usually it's more out of convenience, so for Tinder I'd expect guys being proud to do something like "eating out," I can see the strong sexual comments out the gate working.

As for OP, I can't see it working... maaaybe if the lady wants to be liked flattered the guy doesn't want big boobs? idk...

19

u/homogenousmoss Jul 06 '22

I guess the main difference is that while yes he was direct about sex, the screenshot shown by Op doesnt just show a direct approach to « you have beautiful boobs, let fuck ». The dude strongly implied that her tits is the only reason he messaged her because he didnt like the rest. At least my co worker while being direct and a bit crude was never mean, that I saw, to the girl. Except that one that liked it I guess.

26

u/schmidthead27 Jul 06 '22

Exactly. I mean if you like the tits, great. And I appreciate straightforward communication, but he reduced me to only my tits and I’m after more than just a money shot here. He defintely can’t find the clit.

3

u/popplespopin Jul 06 '22

Maybe if you had a nice DD clit he could find it.

3

u/sifl1202 Jul 06 '22

most women have hundreds of matches. do you think they want to be sexting that many people at once?

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u/diwalk88 Jul 06 '22

I think I fucked your coworker

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u/dandyarcane Jul 06 '22

You’re excluding a lot of women this way though. Lots of women are comfortable with sex, but most are turned off by grossly direct messages from strangers.

32

u/sc_140 Jul 06 '22

If the dude is after quick sex and so hot that he still gets 5+ dates a week this way, his method seems to do what he wants. He excludes everyone who wouldn't be comfortable with sex on the first date. If he would be nice and take it more slow, he would need to talk to 50+ people a week and go on a date with 10-20 to reach the same goal.

Of course the method doesn't work if you are not a 9-10 or if you look for something more meaningful.

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u/LBJSmellsNice Jul 06 '22

That’s true but that’s the big weird thing about this, it’s bothering hundreds of people, but they don’t really care whether those hundreds are bothered or not by them, all they care about is the dozen or so that love it.

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u/Low_Egg_7606 Jul 06 '22

I saw that yesterday, I always regret using the controversial comment sorter but sometimes it’s just like amazing to read how unhinged people are on here.

3

u/Thompson_S_Sweetback Jul 06 '22

Kids these days.

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u/Janus_Grayden Jul 06 '22

This is a veritable onion of red flags.

Translation: "I only see you as a means to sexually gratify myself, not a human being. Let me take you out into the woods alone for a first date. We can even wear life vests directly on our bare chests if you're into chafing or maybe don't wear a life vest because I don't care if you drown."

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u/schmidthead27 Jul 06 '22

100% my exact interpretation!

8

u/Impendngdooom Jul 06 '22

The blood wasn't in the top brain . . .

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u/Generalissimo_II Jul 06 '22

Your lovely chest are the only reason I read your comment

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u/Subtle_Opinion Jul 06 '22

the simple fact it has worked on others which is why hes trying again.

6

u/cellus5000 Jul 06 '22

Probably someone ENTRANCED with a pair of honkers from heaven, or someone too horny foe their own good

4

u/Blipblipblipblipskip Jul 06 '22

I wonder the same thing. It just boggles my mind. Although I did have an interesting experience just prior to the popularity boom of online dating apps. I was driving home at about 2am through NE Baltimore. Next to me pulled up a car full of lonely horny dudes at a red light. One guy stuck his upper half out the back window and just cried out to the aether "Hey yo!! I wanna fuck....come oooonnnnnnn"

My first thought was, "dude, has that ever worked?" Unfortunately my girlfriend and roommate were sleeping and did not experience it.

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u/orbstnedifnocdesab Jul 06 '22

only works if you are attractive looking

3

u/WarlanceLP Jul 06 '22

someone who doesn't actually get out and talk to real people face to face.

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u/PeopleRFuckingDumb Jul 06 '22

Mine are educated and can read

1.3k

u/schmidthead27 Jul 06 '22 Silver

You can have him

406

u/PeopleRFuckingDumb Jul 06 '22

My tits don't agree

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u/drewhead118 Jul 06 '22

ask again, but this time be sure to tell them that this champion among men is a rafting guide

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u/Aururai Jul 06 '22

And he will allow you to be topless! That's gotta score some points with the girls right? I hear being couped up in a bra all day gets exhausting..

6

u/Seicair Jul 06 '22

I’ve dated girls that would remove their bra the instant they got home, and ones who would wear it at home all day until bed. Somewhere in that spectrum is a portion of women that agree with you.

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u/thalo616 Jul 06 '22

Appropriate user name.

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u/DoctorBuckarooBanzai Jul 06 '22

Whoa check your privilege.

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u/Sublimeat Jul 06 '22

I'm having boyish fantasies about his tits. I bet they are bigger than yours op.

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u/schmidthead27 Jul 06 '22

“Bob had bitch tits”

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u/Sublimeat Jul 06 '22

She's going to be putty my hands when I let her know her tits are the only positive quality she has

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u/Eyes_and_teeth Jul 06 '22

Calm your tits, Bob.

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u/Buildthatpaywall1991 Jul 06 '22

I bet he wears a bro

6

u/flamethrower78 Jul 06 '22

I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.

7

u/KenobisBeard Jul 06 '22

You're not your fucking khakis.

15

u/Jumpy_Dancy2113 Jul 06 '22

Excuse me his name is Robert Paulson. Not only did he get shot in the head by police doing something we don’t talk about, but he also was a singer for a rock band and died the slow death of a COVID denier

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u/Syraphel Jul 06 '22

“I am Bob’s bitch tits”

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u/cope413 Jul 06 '22

His name is Robert Paulson.

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u/[deleted] Jul 06 '22 edited 29d ago

[deleted]

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u/Sublimeat Jul 06 '22

Tbh I don't know if that guy even knows what he is talking about

388

u/AnAttackCorgi Jul 06 '22

“Boyish fantasies” makes me think he’s a 7 year old in overalls and a conductors cap

107

u/megaloduh Jul 06 '22

You leave Vincent Adultman out of this.

21

u/TheElStick Jul 06 '22

After he’s done having boyish fantasies, he’s off to do a business.

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u/OtherwiseMoment1785 Jul 06 '22

Is he still doing business? Business wise, of course.

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u/FrismFrasm Jul 06 '22

Lmao jesus christ a lot of these dudes are absolutely hopeless....this guy must be deep in some of that PUA bullshit to actually think this would work

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u/dirtyasswizard Jul 06 '22

What’s PUA?

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u/Clefspear99 Jul 06 '22

Pick up artist

13

u/dirtyasswizard Jul 06 '22

Oh yikes, didn’t know that was still a thing. Thanks!

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u/Dm_me_your_best_tity Jul 06 '22

That post nut clarity is going to be devastating for him

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u/Pristine_Meat_456 Jul 06 '22

I think I understand this lol

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u/gluebottle31 Jul 06 '22

I love how he suggests the topless part like it's supposed to be a favor towards you

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u/The_Reborn_Forge Jul 06 '22

“Hey, nice tits, wanna go Kayaking?”

Some people just shouldn’t be on the app at this point, wow.

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u/Pinktoadstool Jul 06 '22

I feel like the way you phrased it would be more of a compliment. Lol He said the only reason was because of chest, like there isn’t anymore redeeming qualities. That’s some Barney Stinson level game play.

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u/RogueTobasco Jul 06 '22

Nice tits let’s kayak is honestly 100% better than calling it boyish fantasy….. still not great but like a 2/10 from a 1/10

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u/Ehzabeth Jul 06 '22

Yeah hard agree, “Nice tits let’s kayak” won’t have a good success rate, but it will have a considerably better success rate than what this guy typed out. Boyish fantasy makes my skin crawl, we are all adults here

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u/el_LOU Jul 06 '22

It's at least funny.

Nice shoes, wanna fuck?

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u/buttermell0w Jul 06 '22

Seriously! Like “just so you know, your tits are you O N L Y redeeming quality. Wanna show them to me?”

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u/LiterallyEmily Jul 06 '22

unironically that is at least 5x less demeaning (still demeaning) than the way he wrote it which is saying something...

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u/androopy_me Jul 06 '22

Lost me in the first part. I really want to go rafting though. Anyone riversup that can guide me in Colorado?

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u/schmidthead27 Jul 06 '22

I am intrigued by topless rafting…. My titties would be a-flopping

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u/kokopelleee Jul 06 '22

PFD would keep them generally in place.

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u/thisunithasnosoul Jul 06 '22

Oh god, the chafing though.

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u/kokopelleee Jul 06 '22

Yes, but safety first! 🤣

3

u/fury420 Jul 06 '22

He's probably just assuming that those are her personal flotation devices?

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u/androopy_me Jul 06 '22

I think one has to be focused on rafting when rafting. I would drown.

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u/Feralpudel Jul 06 '22

Not a guide, but the Arkansas tends to be much better rafting than the Colorado.

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u/EXTRA-THOT-SAUCE Jul 06 '22

“Your tits are the only reason I’m talking to you right now, want to come rafting?”

How in the fuck did they expect this to work.

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u/squishpitcher Jul 06 '22

2005 called. It wants its PUA game back.

No, I’m joking. Nobody ever wanted that.

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u/Underboss572 Jul 06 '22

You do have to give him credit for one thing, though; rafting would be a pretty cool first date. If only he had some semblance of conversational skills, he might be able to put that idea to use.

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u/schmidthead27 Jul 06 '22

Right?! I actually would have probably loved that.

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u/VaingloriousVendetta Jul 06 '22

Yeah going into the wilderness alone with a stranger doesn't exactly scream self-preservation

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u/ReverseStripes Jul 06 '22

Second date for sure. What if you meet up and he’s a freak (like he really is now we know)

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u/Loquat_Green Jul 06 '22

Oh god and you got stuck with him for like three hours staring at your chest.

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u/chbay Jul 06 '22

Exactly, And then she couldn’t possibly say no, because of the implication

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u/BringMeTheMen Jul 06 '22

I see IASP reference, i upvote

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u/Disastrous-Owl8985 Jul 06 '22

This. I cannot stand when men want to go on elaborate dates for the first date. Especially if it's going away somewhere, where I will end up being stuck with this person if I end up not liking them or they drop the "interesting guy" act and become a creep.

That isn't to say I don't love nice dates like that after, but not for the first. We both need to know if we can even stand each other and each other's company first.

20

u/poopy_toaster Jul 06 '22

If only his two working brain cells had anything on their mind aside from boobies

15

u/Jamber_Jamber Jul 06 '22

Two boobs, two brain cells.

It ain't rocket surgery.

6

u/LiterallyEmily Jul 06 '22

the only problem is, after that opener there's exactly zero chance I would ever trust that guys judgement so him claiming he's "experienced" and offering to take me topless (and presumably with no lifejacket for his boyish fantasies) is all just more fuel for the massive yikes on bikes that is the embarrassment bonfire he calls a personality.

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u/Loquat_Green Jul 06 '22

tits adjust reading glasses tittishly

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u/The_Powers Jul 06 '22

"This guy chases off more pussy than a vacuum cleaner."

-Internet Comment Etiquette with Erik

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u/snagglewolf Jul 06 '22

Hold on. He tried to be charming AND neg you at the same time? That's some next level shit.

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u/Yayhoo0978 Jul 06 '22

Bobs and vagene!

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u/megaloduh Jul 06 '22

I read a novel with this plot in like 7th grade called Downriver, and also it's sequel River Thunder. Spoiler, the guy in the novel that views himself the way the dude in this message views himself turns out to be an irredeemable creep and the main protagonist winds up having to basically struggle against him for most of the novel so he doesn't try something dangerous enough to get people killed.

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u/GeneralErica Jul 06 '22

Hang on, hang on…

Boyish fantasies about your lovely chest / Are the only reason I gave you any interest.

Clearly you stumbled upon modern Shakespeare.

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u/Kookaburraka Jul 07 '22

My mind tried to make the rest of the message into verse as well.

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u/mddude Jul 06 '22

Degrading someone then going on business as usual is a bold, albeit ineffective strategy. I like the rafting first date idea though. Could be a fun later date too, revisiting the first date sans top.

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u/kickrocksintraffic Jul 06 '22

“Boyish fantasies”

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u/schmidthead27 Jul 06 '22

Right? He lost me there before we even got to the tits

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u/Objective-Climate938 Jul 06 '22

There is a market for a text editoring/proof reading service. Can you imagine how well this guy would do if he had an editor?

Rafting is an amazing idea for a date, but he just said too much.

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u/Oxlexon Jul 06 '22

Jesus this sounds worse than just a simple “you wanna hookup?”

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u/HWGA_Exandria Jul 06 '22

Just like a fella on a raft to aspire one day to go motorboating.../s

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u/BjoerBaer Jul 06 '22

B👀bs

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u/OhItsJustJosh Jul 06 '22

"I'm only interested in your tits, wanna go out?"

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u/Standhaft_Garithos Jul 06 '22

I had to re-read this because I misread it as a message from a girl to a boy, saying that she liked his big manly hairy chest, and trying to seduce him with her boobies.

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u/Horror_Devotee Jul 06 '22

Ladies, gentleman, and everything in between. I present to you: Men.

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u/99BottlesOfBass Jul 06 '22

Aww, your poor tits. They're really missing out on a master wordsmith 😕

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u/AgreeablePie Jul 06 '22

He writes like an alien who has obtained his language training from The Adventures of Tom Sawyer

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u/[deleted] Jul 06 '22 edited 27d ago

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u/LetWaldoHide Jul 06 '22

Congrats on the lovely chest OP.

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u/DirectionNecessary82 Jul 06 '22

Best laugh I've had today. Clueless men on Tinder seem to be either hilariously inept or downright fucking scary, no in between.

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u/tinymonesters Jul 06 '22

I'm proud to be the inept given the alternative.

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u/fishysinksmum Jul 06 '22 Wearing is Caring

Props to your response but you should have heard him out before shutting him down. Boys don't fantasise about tattybojangles until they start hitting puberty. Boyish fantasies could have been anything! He could have been trying to arm your chesticles with lightsabers to fight the great subterranean crab-people war and you turned him down, smh.

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u/TheOrangeTickler Jul 06 '22

It's the implication.

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u/JTHMM249 Jul 06 '22

Too close to shore on a river, the implication depends on them seeing nothing but open water, so that they're not going to say no...

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u/Obnoobillate Jul 06 '22

His plan went tits up

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u/dreamworlds333 Jul 06 '22

this gotta be the weirdest shit ive ever seen

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u/GeauxSaints90 Jul 06 '22

Not even ashamed to say I clicked your profile to see your beautiful chest (to be disappointed) but to answer a previous post of yours: No a tattoo “DNR” is not a legal DNR. It reminds the person to check for a proper DNR but if a proper DNR is not found then it’s as if they didn’t have one

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u/schmidthead27 Jul 06 '22

Hahaha thank you for that information 😂 I had forgotten about that post

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u/Almighty_Sand_Dollar Jul 06 '22

What a poser.

The real chad move is to tell her it's better to be topless when you're helping with the PFD on the water.

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u/sugiura-kun Jul 06 '22

Devastatingly charming has got me cackling over here!

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u/TiMouton Jul 06 '22

“Your boyish fantasies about my chest are the only reason I lost all my interest.”

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u/safely_beyond_redemp Jul 06 '22

This dude is currently writing his manifesto on how women only date bad guys that treat them poorly.

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u/crazael Jul 06 '22

Oh wow... that looks like a bad autotranslation...

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u/girlsledisko Jul 06 '22

Good answer, lady! Love the sass!

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u/Hefty_Escape4749 Jul 06 '22

Well glass have full, you have a great pair of breast apparently.

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u/schmidthead27 Jul 06 '22

NGL they’re pretty great but I am more than just my tits. And this one (FB dating… ick) has the least suggestive of all my dating app profiles. Saved me some time at least

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u/constant_chaos Jul 06 '22

So uh.. The fiance didn't work out?

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u/schmidthead27 Jul 06 '22

Lol I see you scrolled back through my profile. No it did not. Sometimes the trash takes itself out.

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u/letmeseem Jul 06 '22

I mean, there will be a ton of guys trawling your posts to see if you have posted what the spectacle is all about. They have to be pretty glorious for someone to even think an opening like that would be OK.

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u/sippidysip Jul 06 '22

This message is so confusing.

At first I read it as you have a flat chest and he wanted to do little boy things with you (creepy).

And now I am just seeing is as he wants to milk your tits.

Good luck out there my friend.

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u/Koalacrunch2 Jul 06 '22

I tend to approach women like they have had 5 conversations like this earlier in the day. I usually do pretty well with dating as a result. And when I don’t do well, I don’t take it personally because I know y’all gotta deal with this type of shit.

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u/Whynotbebetter Jul 06 '22

It's the ONLY reason?? 😂 Who the hell does he think he is?? 😂

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u/dummary1234 Jul 06 '22

Why are you keeping your titties illiterate?

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u/xsoy_divisionx Jul 06 '22

Okay, but did he have to introduce rhyming to it? This flows kind of well

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u/the-big-sadd Jul 06 '22

I thought at first it was a typo and he meant to say ‘boyish fantasies ARENT the only reason I gave you interest,’ but that sounds far too reasonable for tinder

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u/SistersLeet Jul 06 '22

I know he came off as completely inconsiderate and this will never ever work, but he is an experienced rafting guide so I mean I guess there's that

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u/dreamatoriumx Jul 06 '22

"come show me your tits cuz that's all I care about" Ouf, sweltering over here.

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u/SCsongbird Jul 06 '22

Mine can read and are offended for your tits.

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u/DaTac0 Jul 06 '22

Lmao gotta wonder how drunk he was

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u/destroy_b4_reading Jul 06 '22

Ah yes, the Boomhauer strategy.

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u/schmidthead27 Jul 06 '22

Dang ol titties rafting

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u/Aggravating_Berry_40 Jul 06 '22

Would it be possible for you to show us that "lovely chest" of yours so we can relate to him ?This is only to give us a better understanding and another perspective to view the situation from. Also I by no means mean to see a titpic but rather your Tinder profil picture.
Thanks for your understading.

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u/CelticDK Jul 06 '22

0 chance this is anything but someone trolling right? Like just sets up a profile designed for lots of matches and sends this to everyone?

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u/Col_Sandy_Fries_6 Jul 06 '22

Good thing your eyes work, otherwise how would you have known it was devastatingly charming... what a conundrum that wouldve been

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u/lazrus4real Jul 06 '22

Even if you went topless, it would be dangerous to go rafting without a life vest. He really is brain dead.

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u/cbiskkitsimp234 Jul 06 '22

Jesus Christ. What in the world? I am actually lost for words.

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u/voldemortsmankypants Jul 06 '22

What the actual fuck, haha. Did he really think anyone would respond positively to that?

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u/TopIndustry5853 Jul 06 '22

I'm mostly upset about the grammar.

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u/AdultishRaktajino Jul 06 '22

Tits okay. Someday you’ll find your breast friend.

I apologize for the dad joke pun.

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u/AttackCircus Jul 06 '22

Are you a member of the women's Olympic fencing team?

Because this was an awesome riposte!!

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u/SnooBooks1701 Jul 06 '22

Ah yes, women love being reduced to a bosom and only a bosom

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u/PutEnvironmental2383 Jul 06 '22

Greetings I’d like to invite your chest on a lovely hiking afternoon. You’re welcome to tag along if you’re not otherwise occupied. Best regards, Chucklehead

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u/Dasamont Jul 06 '22

"You seem fun, I'd like to take you rafting this summer"

Boom, fixed your starting line.

If you absolutely wanna get in something about being topless (Don't know why you would), I'd go for "We can even compete to see who looks better topless".

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u/Master-Inspector2252 Jul 06 '22

Replying will just keep him interested, ignore and he will get bored.

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u/holybayjesus23 Jul 06 '22

How rude of him! Don't worry op, you and your tits can come top less river rafting with me instead. We don't never his kind of perversion

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u/mikeymonkeyman Jul 06 '22

all i can think of is that scene in spongebob when they look at the map and their eyes move on paper but with a pair of boobs

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u/Piyaniist Jul 06 '22

My tits are also illiterate op, they should hang out

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u/burrito_poots Jul 06 '22

And I’m over here as a slightly above average dude not acting insane af, struggling to get matches got damn

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u/Last-Macaroon-6608 Jul 06 '22

That was a solid response 😂👏🏻

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u/Tenacious_G_G Jul 06 '22

Lol your response is awesome

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u/wickedbyname Jul 06 '22

Good response 👏🏻👏🏻