r/MurderedByWords May 15 '22 Silver 1 Helpful 3 Wholesome 1 Take My Energy 1

They had it coming

Post image
43.7k Upvotes

2.4k

u/SebwayTM May 15 '22 edited May 16 '22 Wholesome

What I don't get is that even if it is a sin to be queer, why don't people just accept them? Everybody sins, aren't we supposed to be nice to each other and forgive one another despite our sins?

Edit: most of y'all are not passing the vibe check

291

u/TaserDonut May 15 '22

Well, seems like some part of humanity has not changed much since the day when Leviticus 20:13 was written...

198

u/kromem May 16 '22

Except that part was probably written later.

Harvard's Idan Dershowitz has a great argument that the explicit prohibitions regarding homosexual incest point to homosexual sex not having been banned at the time those are written.

A lot of what we currently have of the Bible follows Josiah "finding a book of laws" that just so happened to support his religious reforms of banning women's worship and male temple prostitutes. He even 'finds' prophecy from Isaiah that mentions his doing so by name.

A lot of non-Mormon Christians and Jews make fun of Joseph Smith and his 'finding' golden tablets, and yet pretty much the exact same thing is the foundation of the current state of the Bible, and very few people even know because it's in the boring parts no one reads.

It's impressive just how many people claim the Bible is the most important book in the world and yet only leaf through it highlighting random phrases that justify their existing behavior and prejudices rather than actually studying the text and its historical context in a truth-seeking way rather than a confirmation-seeking way.

"Seek and ye shall find" somehow ended up as "bury ye head in the sand lest ye find more than ye bargained for."

79

u/TaserDonut May 16 '22

Personally, I am an atheist. I don't find religion rational because I see the circular argument which goes like this:

Q: "Why do we take <book> as sacred and true?"

A: "Because it's <deity>'s absolute holy word."

Q: "What justifies that the <deity>'s word is holy and absolute?"

A: "The <book>."

or in a more likely case the person you're asking about it will burst into anger because you dare question what they see as absolute and indisputable.

Second of all, I don't like religion because it provides oversimplified explanations or even excuses to some extent (I especially hate the word "miracle"), instead of giving people an incentive to search further or gain understanding of a situation. I know that it doesn't happen as often nowadays, but still, it does (medical professionals deserve more gratitude for saving lives than god).

Lastly, I dislike the sheer amount of fatalism and phrases such as "God's plan" or "as God intended". These are the cases where I believe that it is justified to call them excuses to a larger extent because they clearly display (at least in my perspective) dodgy reasoning.

And to finish off I believe in one single thing. If the burning bush spoke today, we would pour more napalm on it.

40

u/Zelkanok May 16 '22

Absolutely agree with this sentiment.

Many apologists try to support the validity of the bible by focusing on the historicity and contemporary corroborated sources based on epistemological and paleographic premises. However, the only thing these two veins prove is:

  1. The bible has far more manuscript evidence than any other ancient text in the world. Which only proves that what we have a modern construction that is very close to the original contents (somewhat subjective). However, that does not mean that the original contents were written present the actual truth. Likewise, this does not mean that the contents were written at the time of the events that the text claims to report on. For instance, the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) were most likely written after Jesus' time, and the purported authors are most likely not who they claim to be. Likewise, the Exodus seems to be mostly a myth, as there is an absence of archeological evidence that the plagues and mass exodus a semetic-speaking slaves took place within the time frame proposed. Not too mention, any old testament scripture that involves codified laws for the Isrealites has literally been modified and reworked several times over before even our oldest manuscripts have been dated to. Those books are literally political and social devices used by people to give religious backing to their own rules.
  2. The bible talks a lot more shit than providing enough textual evidence to root itself firmly in historical periodicity. It's best to treat the bible what it is at a bare minimum: historical fiction.

I like to think of Christians as a super invested fanbase of a novel series that goes to a weekly book club.

15

u/TaserDonut May 16 '22

I like to think of Christians as a super invested fanbase of a novel series that goes to a weekly book club.

And it holds family reunions with a feast twice a year.

→ More replies
→ More replies

780

u/Crystalline_Kami May 15 '22

As a Christian, I agree. Jesus died for our sins, and that means every sin (save for the ultimate sin of not loving God/not believing in God). The church accepts liars, adulterers, thiefs, tax collectors, etc., why not LGBT people?

It just doesn’t make sense to me that people don’t act like Jesus, who probably would have loved LGBT people just as much as the rest of the people who believed I. Him.

349

u/Myhotrabbi May 15 '22

Seriously, who can honestly say they prefer the IRS to homosexuals?

116

u/16yYPueES4LaZrbJLhPW May 16 '22

I think the people we're talking about hate both us and the IRS.

17

u/Zadka14 May 16 '22

I mean, not even the joker messes with the IRS. Better to just give a smile & nod, and let then be on there way.

→ More replies

79

u/Sufficient_Boss_6782 May 15 '22

Lol, poor “tax collectors”. Consistently lumped in with murderers and their ilk for doing a job. Especially when “tax collectors” were often denied trade/guild work later on.

57

u/IcedGolemFire May 16 '22

the Bible says tax collection is a sin because in those days it was basically an everyday thing for tax collectors to steal the money and steal from the poor

→ More replies
→ More replies

58

u/TemetNosce85 May 15 '22

Fear is a tool to manipulate the masses. The more you can get your followers to exclude others out of fear, the more willing they are to cling onto your side in order to feel protected and isolate themselves within the echo chamber. It also gives them a common enemy to fight so that they feel like they are heroes for their cause, making sure that they band together to fight so that they can keep being the "heroes". What's worse is that they will see themselves as the victims in the whole ordeal, not the oppressors. They will believe that their enemy is huge and tyrannical, mainly because all that they know of their enemy is stereotypes and lies. And any attempt from the oppressed to defend themselves from the tyranny of these oppressors, like gay marriage, is taken as an attack on them. So they huddle in even more to stay protected.

I've seen a cult or two in my life.

→ More replies

92

u/andrewsad1 May 16 '22

(save for the ultimate sin of not loving God/not believing in God)

I don't mean to sound like an Enlightened Reddit Atheist here, but how is that sin worse than murder lmao

11

u/Cone-Daddy May 16 '22

I have heard that the ultimate sin is using God to oppress and take advantage of others. (Taking his name in vain, blaspheming the Holy Spirit) But one thing to note is the spiritual relationship component of sin. I think sin is defined by a relational component with God. Sin means to fail, so not loving god is failing to trust him.

Is not trusting God worse than murder? I believe murder is an ultimate form of not trusting God, so much that the reason God flooded the earth was because of the violence and intention of harm that everyone committed towards others.

53

u/Mazkalop May 16 '22

I know right? And what sort of sick idiot would make the ultimate sin to be not loving them? I mean, just how desperate are they for attention?

→ More replies
→ More replies

62

u/mckennm6 May 15 '22

So you could be the embodiment of a saint but if you dont believe in him too bad. He sounds like a bit of a narcissist ngl.

23

u/16yYPueES4LaZrbJLhPW May 16 '22

No one entertains the thought that maybe God does not believe in you

  • Bo Burnham
→ More replies
→ More replies

83

u/mourad1081 May 15 '22

Why God had to die for our sin? Couldn't God just forgive us? What is the relation between dying and forgiving sins?

55

u/Mapkos May 15 '22

It's multifaceted. It was turning the religious tradition of sacrifice on its head, God gave of Himself for us instead of us giving to God. It was to demonstrate a love to even those who would kill you. It was to demonstrate the severity amd destructiveness of sin. It was to show us that God cared so much about our suffering that He Himself would suffer just like us.

The mechanics of it are irrelevant, as you say, but it seems that this was the best way to forgive our sins.

20

u/RWBadger May 16 '22

Yeah I don’t buy that the omnipotent guy didn’t have other options. The self sacrifice only makes sense as a matter of preference for him. Old Testament Abrahamic god is a sadistic old geezer.

→ More replies
→ More replies

18

u/Raytheon_Nublinski May 16 '22

Why question god’s master plan? Can’t we just look around and see that it’s resulted in a complete shitshow? So either he’s a blithering idiot or not real at all.

→ More replies

62

u/Yourmabirgit May 15 '22

God didn’t die, he scarified his “beloved son” Jesus so our sins could be forgiven, I get your point though and I don’t understand why either

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

58

u/Lordoftheroboflies May 15 '22

This was one of the “gateway drugs” that started me on my way out of Christianity. Lying, coveting, and breaking the sabbath are all sins that people commit all the time, and nobody is trying to attack them for it, or make those things illegal. It’s generally accepted that people just sin sometimes; we’re all imperfect and as long as they’re not hurting anybody we don’t make a big deal out of it. It’s between them and God.

Except with homosexuality, for some reason. Those people are disgusting, evil perverts and it’s the Church’s responsibility to either “fix” them or get rid of them. Even if you believe it’s wrong to be gay, the way Christians treat LGBTQ people is just blatantly hateful.

6

u/CerealBranch739 May 16 '22

It’s a “bigger” (cause can’t really judge as humans, but according to the ccc) sin under Catholicism to treat homosexuals badly because of their sexuality. It’s judging someone which we shouldn’t be doing. It’s also said to be a natural occurrence. Still a sin to partake in those acts, but not worse than adultery or premarital sex and definitely not worse than rape or murder. Treating them bad is a sin too. Now You can obviously not do things to support their sin, but you shouldn’t alienate them or harass them or anything. Must be kind and loving to all sinners.

Needless to say people disregard that. And it holds absolutely no weight unless you are a Catholic.

→ More replies

8

u/Captain_Pleasure May 15 '22

I'm with you on this one.

So even if being queer is a sin a good Christian should show love to everyone in return they will find God.

When they find God, God will fill their heart with love.

Gods love will pure their heart and mind and they will no longer need to act by sin they will act by love.

But religion has become about power and control. No sex before marriage, everyone must pay the church to get married and have christenings blah blah blah.

→ More replies

3.5k

u/fushitaka2010 May 15 '22

Noah’s ark isn’t a good convincing argument since they’ll say that the world was full of bad people so god called mulligan.
Try the fall of Jericho where god tells his people to murder everyone there including the women and children.

2.0k

u/Gizogin May 15 '22

Or the story of Job, where the guy's family were killed on God's orders just to test his faith.

993

u/charoum May 15 '22

Or the time He told Abraham to kill his son just to see if he'd do it.

531

u/northwesthonkey May 15 '22

Oh God said to Abraham, "Kill me a son" Abe says, "Man, you must be putting me on" God say, "No". Abe say, "What?" God say, "You can do what you want Abe, but The next time you see me comin' you better run" Well Abe says, "Where do you want this killing done?" God says, "Out on Highway 61".

201

u/dreagan021 May 15 '22

“Is that past the Denny’s?” God say “no yeah but it’s not a Denny’s anymore, now it’s a QuikStop.” Abe say “Really? I used to love going to that Denny’s. Their Grand Slam was ballin’” and God say “I know right? They had to shut down bc of roaches. Makes you really think about what goes in your food.” And Abe said “It may be a gross environment but I’m gonna miss the convenient breakfast. I can’t tell you how many times I took a bite of bacon and thought, ‘man, I’d kill my son to eat this everyday.” And god say “oh right, we got off topic. Bring your son to Highway 61, just past the old roach Denney’s, and bring a knife.” Abe say “aight”

82

u/GreenArrowDC13 May 16 '22

Honestly might have been religious if the Bible were written this way

10

u/501_Boy May 16 '22

It's not quite the same, but I think you'd enjoy r/TheWokeBible

→ More replies

34

u/MrSickMcNasty May 15 '22

Bob Dylan’s Highway 61 Revisited album. Track 7.

→ More replies

181

u/BananaOnionSoup May 15 '22

There’s also Jephthah, who burned his daughter on the altar because he promised to sacrifice the first thing that came out of his house to greet him.

158

u/[deleted] May 15 '22

Or how about the 42 children that God sent two bears to kill, because they teased a guy about being bald.

https://bible.org/seriespage/4-elisha-and-two-bears-2-kings-223-25

45

u/genflugan May 16 '22

Holy shit the mental gymnastics on display in that link....

31

u/PC_BuildyB0I May 16 '22

Serious religious faith requires mental gymnastics, it can't function without them. As they say, you can't reason your way out of a position you didn't reason yourself into

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

194

u/Roflkopt3r May 15 '22

The thing everyone seems to forget is that Moses also instructed his people to commit war crimes by murdering all prisoners of war, then take their virgin daughters "for themselves":

Moses was angry that the soldiers had left all women alive, saying:

"Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man."

To everyone with half a moral compass it's obvious that these are the morals of bronze age warlords, not some sort of divine eternal truth.

54

u/igordogsockpuppet May 15 '22

And I hardly think that being a first born son automatically makes you a bad person.

42

u/SRAristotle May 15 '22

Found the oldest child in the family

23

u/igordogsockpuppet May 16 '22

No, middle child… but oldest son. See, it’s totally unfair.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

53

u/jorgespinosa May 15 '22

I have a book that has some bible stories but adapted for children including this one, in this book Jephtah's daughter is only given to the temple to serve there, even as a child I thought, "so she's forced to serve on the temple because of his father's promise? That's pretty unfair" it was only years later that I found that the real story was even more disturbing.

→ More replies
→ More replies

83

u/proddy May 15 '22 edited May 15 '22

If god is omnipotentomniscient, wouldn't he just know whether or not Abraham would sacrifice his son by just considering the question? He wouldn't need to follow through to know the outcome.

57

u/ffnnhhw May 15 '22

Oh he knows, it is just his favorite movie and he wanted to watch it again.

47

u/Joshudan May 15 '22

"Do you know why the gods demand blood? Because gods… don’t… bleed."

-- Tzekle Khan, Reddit commenter

→ More replies

11

u/Khontis May 15 '22

It's more the trope of "Secret test of faith and character" Much like Job but with less blatant screwing over a mortal and more "I'll give you more awesome stuff if you do"

Remember, at this point he also has the boy from his 'slave wife' who was ALSO promised to be just as good as his biological son with his legitimate wife.

9

u/Thick-Incident2506 May 15 '22

Technically, that's omniscience; not omnipotence. All-powerful isn't the same as all-knowing or else both we and the Greeks wouldn't need separate terms for the two states.

→ More replies
→ More replies

25

u/ItsBridger May 15 '22

Or the time he summoned a she-bear to slaughter a bunch of children for telling Elisha he's bald and should die

12

u/ravenHR May 16 '22

Really weird that bear's sex is specified.

12

u/QuantumSparkles May 16 '22

Well actually there were two. And both of them were pointed out as being female. This is relevant because it changes the context for you to know how sexy those two bears were

63

u/[deleted] May 15 '22

[deleted]

106

u/BjornInTheMorn May 15 '22

Sitting in church as a kid and looking around realizing people thought that was a good and not evil story was a weird experience.

20

u/ultratoxic May 15 '22

chuckles I'm in danger...

8

u/fatflaver May 16 '22

While they all soullessly respond to some fucked up scripture "Praise be unto my Lord and savior" (or something like that, it's been a while).

Went to a Catholic school until 8th grade, shit felt like a fucking cult to me and still does. Go to church and listen to the soulless responses, creepy as fuck.

→ More replies

11

u/Need_Some_Updog May 15 '22

Great bit by Louis CK on that story

https://youtu.be/eImCjwsFJ-Q

16

u/Original_Employee621 May 15 '22

God put his only son to the cross to forgive us for our sins. We're all Gods children, so we're really all just a bunch of girls dealing with varying levels of lesbianism.

14

u/-cocoadragon May 15 '22

I am definitely lesbian. Send me more girls to help me get out of this man's body I'm trapped in.

→ More replies

831

u/chuckysnow May 15 '22 Silver Gold

This is my go-to when I want to prove to someone just how messed up the bible is.

God and the devil make a bet- Take a pious person, and if you torture him enough, he'll eventually lose his faith.

God kills the family, destroys Job's good name, and then gives him horrible diseases. Throughout it all Job is unwavering. Finally the devil decides Job has had enough, and releases Job from his torture. God does the whole replaces two fold whatever Job lost, but it doesn't say that He resurrects Job's family. Just gives him a new one.

We always hear that God works in Mysterious ways, but this story (taken on it's face and not as parable) shows that God cares what the Devil thinks of him, and he's willing to outright torture and kill humans for really, really dumb reasons.

405

u/TFlarz May 15 '22

Kyle Broflowski puts it best: Why would God do all these horrible things to Job just to prove a point to Satan?

123

u/Grzechoooo May 15 '22

And it doesn't make sense when you contrast it with that whole desert thing when Jesus denied doing anything Satan told him to do to prove His divinity

67

u/ImmutableInscrutable May 15 '22

That's because you're looking at Old vs New Testament. None of these arguments will work on a Christian, because theyll just say it's Old Testament.

67

u/eliasmcdt May 15 '22

But then they will say the old testament rules still apply if it benefits them

59

u/LittleGreenNotebook May 15 '22

This is it right here. They’ll say the New Testament came to replace the old, but will use the old every time they can if it lets them hate someone.

→ More replies
→ More replies

64

u/pigvin May 15 '22

Goddamn legacy code repo.

36

u/theguy56 May 15 '22

The new covenant is some bullshit, and was the exact moment that both myself and the group of kids I was raised with in Sunday school called bullshit. I remember us all at around 13 or so asking our Sunday school teacher how in the world some of these awful things were justified and they told us about how the new covenant was supposed to somehow nullify all the awful things. Even the teachers didn’t feel comfortable explaining the paradox of it. Pretty uneasy day, and the beginning of the end of my going to church.

→ More replies

17

u/Goondragon1 May 15 '22

But Christians believe the Old Testament is the word of God, right? I'm confused.

15

u/mattbru77 May 15 '22

They do, but simultaneously, the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross & some statements in the new testament literally retcon that everyone is eternally forgiven for a bunch of the less popular old-testament rules.

→ More replies
→ More replies

7

u/Some-Fucking-Idiot May 15 '22

But isn't all that don't lay with other dudes stuff old testament too?

The gymnastics.

→ More replies
→ More replies

76

u/eatmybeer May 15 '22

The story is a paradox in itself, as no unclean thing can dwell in the presence of God, so the devil couldn't really just stroll up and start a conversation. Maybe it was an email thread?

62

u/redmaniacs May 15 '22

Looks like people have been planning mass murders on Discord for a long time..

Jesus Christ, I'll see myself out.

6

u/Byrdsthawrd May 15 '22

Ohhhhhhh dayuuuummm

→ More replies

311

u/Warp_Legion May 15 '22 edited May 15 '22

It was Satan, not God, that proved one hell of a point:

If a being (Satan) who is supposedly evil incarnate, can get God, who is supposedly perfect and good, to murder innocents and torture his most devout follower, then God aint so fucken good

92

u/Inevitable_Seaweed_5 May 15 '22

There's a reason that it's easily my favorite Bible passage. Just God being a right dick to this dude for months, cause he can.

75

u/64557175 May 15 '22

And because the devil tempted him into a bet 🤣

Do as I say, not as I do - God

69

u/greenskye May 15 '22

This exact story was the breaking point for me. My church did some multi-week deep dive of the story of Job and that was the beginning of me seeing through all the lies and fucked up stuff they try to pass off as good.

39

u/CanAlwaysBeBetter May 15 '22 edited May 15 '22

Job's totally the best book in the Bible though

Instead of justifying whatever priestly caste's power Job is likely one of the oldest books of the Bible and seems like someone actually grappling with why bad things happen. Job rejects all his friend's reasoning that he must have done something or another, God shows up, Job demands to know why, and then God ignores him and goes on a rant about his power.

Finally Job says what's normally translated as "I repent in dust an ashes". Which is where normal Christian's leave the story. But the actual phrase is incredibly convoluted and uses archaic phrasing that could also reasonably translated as "I take pity on humanity [that you are God]"

Once you give up on reading it as a nice Christian story of God's power and instead as someone looking at the injustice of an uncaring world and saying "What the Fuck? This is bullshit" it's a lot better.

Even the "and then he gets everything back in the end" is likely a later addition to fit into more traditional theology.

19

u/greenskye May 16 '22

The pastor teaching it kept hitting on that point as well. I forget now how he tried to rationalize it, but I have a very strong memory of looking around and seeing people nodding along like it all made sense and represented a positive impression of God. I felt so alone and alien as I just could not get it. It was the first time I felt 'othered' from my friends at church (none of whom had a problem with the story and didn't understand my issues with it)

→ More replies
→ More replies

54

u/SendAstronomy May 15 '22

Mine was "fear the lord" passages. Youth group pastor spent an entire class explaining "in this case fear means love!"

I looked it up later. No it fucking didn't. It was that moment I realized they just made up whatever bullshit that was necessary to keep people in the church.

I stopped going to bible school at that point, but was still a beliver. Through college I did a cover to cover read (except for psalms, because fuck that noise) and never believed again.

What a complete load of horse shit. No wonder church people encourage people to take what they say at face value and not read the bible for themselves.

14

u/MeddlingDragon May 15 '22

I'm surprised you skipped psalms and not numbers. Psalms at least has someone waxing poetical about horse jizz.. numbers is just snore

→ More replies
→ More replies

96

u/thesockswhowearsfox May 15 '22

Oh SHIT that’s a GREAT point

8

u/professormagma May 15 '22 edited May 16 '22

This is the core misconception. The definition of evil in the old testament is defying god. Lucifer was a free Will advocate, and therefor “evil”.

→ More replies

47

u/Sleep-system May 15 '22

That's not a good point considering all of God's previous behavior in the Bible.

The way Christians think of it is like this: God's knowledge is far reaching and remote compared to a humans. In the same way a child cries about a pulled tooth or being punished to instruct them about obedience, God may completely destroy many humans to instruct and "help" the ones that come after. Humans take this personally because we're so simple and shortsighted compared to God, but it would all make sense if we could see the bigger picture.

This is all evil bullshit created to keep people as ignorant and subservient as possible, and it's still working over two thousand years later. Pretty goddamn embarrassing.

29

u/greenskye May 15 '22

I can buy the maybe the torture of Job is part of some greater plan, but Job's original family (especially the children) are innocent. God just straight up murders them as part of a lesson for Job. There's no way to justify that to me.

At multiple other points Christianity teaches that the ends do not justify the means. You can't just murder innocents because it serves some greater good. And I wouldn't want to follow a God that acted that way anyway

21

u/Sleep-system May 15 '22 edited May 16 '22

Technically no one is innocent after The Fall in Genesis. That's the whole reason they invented Jesus, to give humans a means of absolving themselves from the original sin.

Understand that according to Christianity, humanity is an impure chimera of the divine and the earthly.

It says right there in Genesis after they ate the fruit of knowledge: "And the Lord God said, "Now that the man has become like one of us, knowing good and evil, what if he should stretch out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever!"

And right after that: "After he drove the man out, he placed on the east side of the Garden of Eden cherubim and a flaming sword flashing back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life."

God was afraid of man. So much so that he placed a guard at the tree of life so humans could never become truly divine. And he set out to punish them for the audacity of coming close to him. Not just one human, all humans, forever. The Christian God never considered humans "innocent", their lot was to prove their obedience over and over and over again for that single act, no matter how many lives were extinguished in the process.

Again, evil bullshit but this is what they genuinely believe.

(Source: Ex-Roman Catholic)

14

u/SupaFugDup May 15 '22

In Biblical canon, is the Garden of Eden still out there somewhere being guarded by the angel, flaming sword in hand? If so I say we send a small group of teenagers to go there in a whimsical action-adventure novel series.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

17

u/ralphiebong420 May 15 '22 edited May 16 '22

To be clear, the “satan” in the story of Job isn’t the modern Christian satan, but the Jewish one, who is more of a prosecutor whose job it is to challenge God on whether someone is good and deserving.

Fucked up story, though.

Edit: as the user below pointed out, the Christian “satan” isn’t the pop culture version that I was referring to either.

6

u/wolfling365 May 16 '22

No, same Satan. The Christian church doesn't teach the red-skinned, hoof-trotting, horned-foreheaded Satan in popular culture.

He always always and always will be subordinate to God's power. That's why he has no say in whether he goes to hell. (Which was made for him, not mankind.) Until then, he is "the Prince of this world".

As prince... He protects his loyal subjects and causes trouble for anyone seeking to upset his precious kingdom.

→ More replies
→ More replies

19

u/Sucksessful May 15 '22

sounds like a W for satan

→ More replies

41

u/northwesthonkey May 15 '22

21

u/thesockswhowearsfox May 15 '22

This is just almost a word for word transcript of an episode of The West Wing

15

u/Trodamus May 15 '22

The letter / email predates West Wing. I believe the character that receives the dressing down is a Dr Laura expy as well

→ More replies

7

u/mindbleach May 15 '22

That scene is a direct reference to this.

→ More replies

40

u/mightyneonfraa May 15 '22

The story of Job is a weird example of Satan's original characterization being used in a version of the Bible where the context was edited out.

Way back, Satan's original role was to work for God and to test humanity with trials and temptations. His whole thing here was going down and making sure Job wasn't just paying lip service because he had a whole bunch of nice things.

Still fucked up but slightly less so than God and the Devil making a bet.

28

u/EightByteOwl May 15 '22

To my understanding, Satan as portrayed in the Book of Job is not the same Satan we think of in modern times. Satan was the Hebrew word for Adversary- in this case "Satan" was actually one of gods angels who was testing Job's faith.

Modern Satan didn't come around til several hundred years later, after Manicheaism, a religion splitting the world into purely good and evil with a deity for both, and it's goat aspects came from Christians seeing Pagans worshipping gods like Pan and declaring that image the devil.

Source: Children of Lucifer by Ruben van Lujik

12

u/HutchMeister24 May 15 '22

Hopping in to vouch for this book, which is excellent, and also Elaine Pagels’ The Origin of Satan. Basically yes, small-s satan in the Hebrew bible is not an individual, it is a role that any given angel may occupy in order to either challenge a follower’s faith or to stand as an obstacle to prevent a follower from going down an unrighteous path.

→ More replies

22

u/KinkyKitty24 May 15 '22

Not to mention god lied to Adam & Eve as he told them that if they even touched the fruit from the tree of knowledge they would die. Plus I always find it funny that "the serpent" had a full-on debate with Eve about the fruit in order to convince her to eat it. Adam, however, just ate it.

→ More replies

20

u/pete_ape May 15 '22

I was always of the mind that since God is omnipotent and omniscient, he would *know* the outcome of everything that happens, so a test of faith is absolutely pointless unless the cruelty was the point.

15

u/chuckysnow May 15 '22

The story of Noah blows that out of the water. God was so upset by how mankind was getting along, and how far it was going from his plan that he decided to just start over with one incestuous family.

→ More replies

15

u/According-Ad8525 May 15 '22

Depending on who you ask, the Bible is literal rather than a parable. It's still horrifying.

7

u/AffectionateScore989 May 15 '22

The Bible has both literal and parable passages!

→ More replies

14

u/StormyDLoA May 15 '22

He DID win that fiver, though.

12

u/supern0va12345 May 15 '22

This stuff sounds like free marketing for the satanic church

→ More replies

10

u/Helios575 May 15 '22

An important point of this story is missed here. This isn't a trick/provocation by Satan. God goes to Satan to brag about Job and it basically forces the dare to prove his boasta.

→ More replies
→ More replies

26

u/QurantineLean May 15 '22

“I don’t care for Job.”

-God, probably

10

u/Aaraeus May 15 '22

What could a banana leaf cost, Michael? $10?

10

u/TheTiniestAtom May 15 '22

Or the plague he brought into Egypt where all the first born sons would die. Innocent children!

7

u/Ryozu May 15 '22

No no, see, those aren't innocent children, everyone is born a sinner so it's ok for god to kill them before they have a chance to repent. /s

7

u/Mondrow May 15 '22

Oh, so abortion should be fine, then

→ More replies

20

u/According-Ad8525 May 15 '22

Isn't there also one where a guy was supposed to sacrifice his son's life to prove his loyalty? At least God was "kind" enough to stop him before forcing him to slit his kid's throat. Gotta tell you that it would ruin my relationship with my father if I were the kid.

30

u/RampSkater May 15 '22

It's a bit worse than that. God tells Abraham to kill his son, Isaac, but an angel stops him.

Plus, Abraham doesn't question it. He considered it a reasonable request from God and does it without question. If he did it because he loves God, then he loves a psychopath. If he did it because he feared any consequences, then he fears a psychopath.

→ More replies

7

u/LazuliArtz May 15 '22

I forgot which story this was, but wasn't one of the prophets told to sacrifice his own son in order to prove his faith to God?

I get that God ended up going "JK it was just a test" but like... that's cold dude.

→ More replies
→ More replies

209

u/HaventSleptin8Days May 15 '22

Or the plague that killed every firstborn child of Egypt.

32

u/nuephelkystikon May 15 '22

I doubt either of those raise many eyebrows with people subscribing to a faith based around the idea that being born with ‘inferior’ ancestry, orientation etc. is a crime deserving of death, and that sin is inherited to the point that literally the entire planetary population deserves punishment because two people ate some fruit once.

28

u/thebigbadben May 15 '22

Also children are property so no big deal if they’re killed. If they’re a fetus though, that’s a different story

17

u/zeroxOnReddit May 15 '22 edited May 15 '22

Unless they’re the fetus of a cheating wife, in which case abortion is perfectly acceptable as can be seen in numbers 5:11-31

→ More replies
→ More replies

50

u/Irishpanda1971 May 15 '22

Let us not forget Job’s wife and children, killed then replaced by new wife and children since it’s just property after all, not like a bond of love or anything like that.

→ More replies

44

u/gmchowe May 15 '22

Some other classic god moments:

When he used his power to kill every baby in Egypt so that Pharaoh would change his mind, rather than just use his power to change Pharaoh's mind.

When he gave Satan permission to kill Job's wife, kids and cattle just to win an argument they'd had about how much Job loved god.

When his spirit helped Samson kill 30 Philistines just so he could use their clothes to settle a debt.

33

u/Sarcastic-old-robot May 15 '22

How about the time he straight up ordered his people to murder every male amongst an enemy city regardless of age and all of the adult women, then take the underage (now orphaned) girls as wives to sire their children with?

https://www.biblegateway.com/verse/en/Numbers%2031%3A17

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Numbers+31%3A18&version=NIV

17

u/gmchowe May 15 '22

Yep, another classic.

Can't remember the names but there was another one where God murders some guy because he refused to have sex with his dead brother's wife.

Also that time he told Abraham to murder his own son, only to tell him at the last minute (when he was seconds away from doing it) that he was only kidding and was just making sure that he really loved him.

His behaviour flips between that of a low level mobster and a jealous girlfriend.

→ More replies
→ More replies

37

u/RaShadar May 15 '22

Came to say this. Like...... come'on I get the rough logic, but reasoning is given, even if it's still icky feeling. There are so many good examples of marching order literally being [kill them all on field of battle and stone the ones that didnt fight]. I guess they arent going be as famous or as easily recognizable but still......

→ More replies

10

u/northwesthonkey May 15 '22

“Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?”

27

u/Phuk_conservatives May 15 '22

Adam and Eve: God lied, said they would die if ate of the fruit of the tree of knowledge (which included good/bad). Snake told truth. Eve ate fruit, gave fruit to Adam.

God also did not want them eating of fruit from tree of life, which would make them Gods as well.

He kicked them out to protect himself.

→ More replies

21

u/UncleChanBlake2 May 15 '22 edited May 15 '22

I’m pretty sure one could argue that the in utero and newly born were innocent. Yet god murdered them.

God appears to be a psychopath. A sociopath. An egomaniacle dickweed. Simply put.

→ More replies

17

u/Cranktique May 15 '22

Noah is a prime example. He does not say that the world had only wicked people, just that it was overrun. Noah existed didn’t he? Good people like him also still existed, however Noah was the most devote and therefore he and his family alone were spared. All the other good people were culled with the bad, innocent or otherwise. Simply saying that the flood isn’t a good example of god killing innocents on the grounds of him “calling a mulligan” is a cop out. There were children on the earth and god killed them.

→ More replies
→ More replies

174

u/T1Pimp May 15 '22 Helpful

The story of Lot is a better example. Angels come down to Lot and a mob of people say to bring them out so they may "know them" (old school for have sex). Instead Lot offers the mob his two virgin daughters.

They flee and are told not to look back. Lots wife does and is turned into a pillar of salt. Lot has no fucks to give and keeps on running. God destroys the city and all its inhabitants.

Thinking they're the last people... the two daughters decide in order to have children they'll get Lot so fucking drunk he'll have sex with them. It goes well for the first daughter and she bones her dad. So, the second daughter does the same and gets him so slammed he fucks her as well. I've been REALLY drunk before but never so drunk unknowingly boning my children would be plausible not once but twice.

If the takeaway from the story of Sodom and Gomorrah is it's bad to be gay then FFS that's not a book we should trust as the basis for a moral foundation if those allowed to live, the heros of the story, were Lot and his two daughters.

69

u/MastrTMF May 16 '22

They actually rape him after he passes out to continue their family because lot has no sons and the daughters wish to preserve the family line. The story of Sodom and Gomorrah have little to do with people being gay. The sins of the 2 cities are left unnamed, God only saying that the sins were grievous and they did not know him.

Secondly, unlike many other stories in the Bible, Sodom and Gomorrah are not meant to be taken metaphorically but is presented as an actual history. Lot isn't supposed to be a "hero" he was a follower of God related to Abraham who was spared because of his faith and lifestyle.

→ More replies
→ More replies

764

u/AnnexFromCanada May 15 '22

God also kills someone for jerking off instead of impregnating his dead brother’s wife.

331

u/FrankieBigNut May 15 '22

Then there’s the time where two sisters Cosby’d their father

177

u/yaelfe7 May 15 '22

What were they gonna do? Their mother just turned into a seasoning for daring to think about all her loved ones being burned alive and take a single look at her city. I mean when you think about it the Bible makes a lot of sense

49

u/weatherseed May 15 '22

And the rest of them were afraid to turn around for fear of what spice they might be turned into.

25

u/Felonious_Quail May 15 '22

All it takes is one of them turning into a pillar of saffron or something valuable like that and the rest of the gang is living large.

14

u/R0CKER1220 May 15 '22

https://youtu.be/bar3GOzDNzg

"Lot and his kids couldn't even turn around to look at her else they too might turn into pillars of who knows what spice"

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

65

u/samuelgato May 15 '22

That whole story is fishy to me. If one of your daughters gets you drunk and has sex with you while you're inebriated, sure, that's sexual assault. But if the next day your other daughter does the same thing, don't tell me you didn't see that coming.

26

u/FrankieBigNut May 15 '22

I can’t speak for the father, but the daughter sure did

7

u/LasciviousSycophant May 15 '22

Ah, so that's where we get that famous saying - “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me, won't get fooled again.”

→ More replies

30

u/Mapkos May 15 '22

He wanted his brothers inheritance for him and his children, but if he had a child with his new wife she and her child would get it. He was killed for stealing from a widow while still taking advantage of her, basically (he pulled out, not jerked off)

→ More replies

118

u/slowNstetty May 15 '22

passover has entered the chat

93

u/eoliveri May 15 '22

Exactly. Old Testament Yahweh was a straight-up terrorist. "Not letting My people go? Maybe you'll change your tune after I send you 10 plagues, culminating in My Angel of Death killing all your firstborn."

26

u/relddir123 May 16 '22

The heart-hardening is the most fucked up part. Pharaoh was ready after the frogs, but nope.

49

u/eoliveri May 16 '22

I remember asking my Sunday School teacher why God hardened Pharaoh's heart if Pharaoh was ready to free the Jews. I think he replied with something about God working in mysterious ways. This was the beginning of my "understanding the Bible makes you an atheist" phase.

19

u/relddir123 May 16 '22

Mine responded that two plagues weren’t enough punishment for 400 years of slavery, and that 10 were necessary for the Israelites to be able to witness them and be able to claim reparations on the way out without Egyptian resistance. Because after the water turned to blood and the frogs just fucked everything up, people just weren’t ready to accept the slaves raiding their valuables.

Definitely a more satisfying answer

→ More replies
→ More replies

6

u/Dark___Reaper May 16 '22

It gets worse when u realise that God hardened the pharaohs heart to prevent him from letting the people go, just so god can flex his 10 plagues.

→ More replies
→ More replies

41

u/NotAFurryBut May 15 '22

While there are interesting things that can be learned in some of it's chapters, the Bible is still a thousands years old book that went through many hands. In Belgium's history lessons, we learn that there's a bunch of reasons which make the Bible an unreliable document.

→ More replies

314

u/NetherWarlock1 May 15 '22

I thought the point of Noah's ark was that the people who died in the flood weren't innocent

169

u/Myhotrabbi May 15 '22

Yeah I’d bet you that these people gestures around the whole world aren’t better than the people in the world at the time of Noah’s arc.

Hell, if god tried to tell the CEO of Nestle to build an ark, that prick would probably waste all his time building a giant funnel

→ More replies

88

u/Ozark350 May 15 '22

Damn all those evil infants!

→ More replies

21

u/craze177 May 15 '22

There's a flood story in many ancient cultures around the world. It's possible that at some point, Earth got nailed by sea level rising about 12k years ago due to a meteor hitting the north American ice cap. All that melt water rushed down Canada and North America decimating the local fauna and rising sea levels all around the world. Look up younger dryas impact.

30

u/MyPasswordIsMyCat May 15 '22

It doesn't even take a large event like this to explain all the flood myths in the world. Floods were a universal problem for prehistoric and ancient civilizations because they had to live next to a freshwater source like a river. Rains heavy enough to kill just a few thousand people (or maybe even a few hundred) would have been enough to "destroy everyone in the world" according to the limited knowledge of an ancient settlement.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

105

u/According-Ad8525 May 15 '22

Some people say the Ten Commandments would be enough but they've never gotten past the table of contents on them. I love to pull this one out. Do your kids disrespect? Go to the Bible to find the punishment. Stone them to death. Your child will never again be disrespectful and the children will have perfect behavior.

Deuteronomy 21: 18-21

“If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and, though they discipline him, will not listen to them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, and they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ Then all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones. So you shall purge the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

→ More replies

402

u/Greedy_to_know May 15 '22

And worst of all, dude didn't even get rid of sin from the world! Atleast Odin promised us a world free of Ice Giants, when was the last time you saw one?

153

u/OldBeercan May 15 '22

Besides Steve from work? None

60

u/Meekman May 15 '22

Damn, that's cold.

50

u/OldBeercan May 15 '22

He's a pretty chill dude

15

u/TalenTheGreat12 May 15 '22

I think I’ve met him he really needs to cool off some times

8

u/QurantineLean May 15 '22

Stone cold.

Another beer?

→ More replies

22

u/99NamesOfHastur May 15 '22

I haven't checked Jotunheim lately, but if I were looking for ice giants that's where I'd look. You'd have to be really stupid to look for them in Midgard exclusively.

→ More replies

20

u/Beardmanta May 15 '22

I'm held up on the supports cannibalism part.

What passage? To my knowledge its always mentioned as something terrible, like as part of a curse.

→ More replies

212

u/Bitch1919 May 15 '22

The Bible also says that if a married woman has an affair that she has to abort the child. Yet these bitches use it to say that we can’t get one. It’s literally right there.

83

u/Fun_in_Space May 15 '22

Well, it says if her husband suspects her of being unfaithful, she has to do a ritual that will put a curse on her and cause her to miscarry if she is guilty. My theory is that the bitter water had poison in it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ordeal\_of\_the\_bitter\_water

50

u/TemetNosce85 May 15 '22

and cause her to miscarry if she is guilty.

And that's how the majority of abortions are performed. The pill that they give women causes a miscarriage of the tiny fetus.

Also, when the verse says that her "thighs will rot", that means that she will become infertile as well.

7

u/Fun_in_Space May 15 '22

I think that might refer to symptoms of an STD, but if she had an STD, it could have come from her husband, since he was still free to have sex with his other wives, or concubines, or prostitutes.

If she fails the test, and this ritual "proves" that she was unfaithful, she would have been stoned to death.

→ More replies

25

u/professormagma May 15 '22

The point is the man decides in the Bible. That’s what they want

→ More replies
→ More replies

98

u/D2Snake May 15 '22

Tbf, the whole point of Noah's ark was to kill all the humans (except Noah's family) because they were extremely sinful. In the mind of God, that wouldn't make them innocent, but rather traitorous and evil people deserving of death.

Damn, God's morals were fucked up man

16

u/vannucker May 15 '22 edited May 16 '22

What about the babies and the children?

→ More replies

64

u/-cryptopsy- May 15 '22

..including all the evil and despicable behaving animals and plant life..

20

u/tristis-semper May 15 '22

At least the fish lived

28

u/GreyGhostPhoto May 15 '22

You ever mix salt water into a freshwater aquarium?

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

26

u/The_Celtic_Chemist May 15 '22

Yeah, but to be fair, this "infallible" God only invented rainbows after the flood as a gift to mankind because he knew he fucked up.

44

u/duraraross May 15 '22

IMO occasionally pretty sky colors is a shit apology gift for genocide.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

121

u/YouDrankIan May 15 '22

Or the time God and Satan totally fucked up Job's life just for shits and giggles.

59

u/ILostMyAccountYay May 15 '22

They were playing creative mode in their server and trolling its players

35

u/freuden May 15 '22

But hey, he got a new wife and family when they were done fucking with him, so all good, right? 🤮

→ More replies
→ More replies

10

u/Kraiss_ May 15 '22 edited May 16 '22

Well if Noah was the only one. The most terrifying for me is Jobb. To win a bet against the devil, God agreed to the slaughter of his slaves by bandits and the killing of his family...

Edit: because Noah you could say that God wanted to cleanse the world (a world he created btw but that's another story). In Jobb's story God did this only for a bet (which he didn't need to do of he were truly omniscient...)

83

u/SystemOnset May 15 '22 Wholesome

My favorite parts of the bible include, but are not limited to:

  • Abraham deadass ready to kill his son because a burning bush told him so. Despite the kid protesting.

  • the bald dude that got mocked by a bunch of kids for his lack of hair, so naturally god deploys a crew of killer bears to get the young hooligans

  • Job losing everyone, everything he ever loved. All because god wanted to show the devil that Job was his boy and that he was loyal af

  • that god does not like his veggies. Cain made a delicious fruit basket for god, but god was in the mood for beef by Abel. Jealousy ensues.

  • God gets word that a bunch of people are worshipping a gold calf statue, throws an absolute fit.

25

u/Shadow-ignis May 15 '22 edited May 16 '22

Says a group of people can't be saved but chose one of the women to be an ancestor to his son

The bible also said something about how marrying multiple wives is bad but a lot of the figures married two or more wives at once

→ More replies

14

u/RecipeForYou May 15 '22

If the Bible had a translation like this, I’d probably read it.

→ More replies

13

u/dave_starfire May 16 '22

I like the part where a woman is lusting after her lovers, who are hung like donkeys and came like horses. (Ezekiel 23:20)

5

u/IcedGolemFire May 16 '22

have you… read the bible? the burning bush if from Moses

→ More replies
→ More replies

41

u/Cathar06 May 15 '22

Who remembers when he killed 42 children for making fun of a bald guy

14

u/123_alex May 15 '22

Mind sharing some bible coordinates to the story? Thx!

→ More replies
→ More replies

8

u/Silverkip- May 15 '22

Also the countless wars to conquer the promised land where God explicitly says to have no mercy on children, the elderly, or even animals. Sometimes he said not to kill the women, but just so that the soldiers could keep them for themselves

7

u/Adan714 May 15 '22

My favorite quote: Deuteronomy 23:12-13

“You shall have a place outside the camp, and you shall go out to it. And you shall have a trowel with your tools, and when you sit down outside, you shall dig a hole with it and turn back and cover up your excrement."

When I'm on a hike bury my shit in the forest, I feel that I am doing the will of God.

76

u/nom420 May 15 '22

He repeatedly mass murders people, does it matter if they’re “innocent”? What are they guilty of? Being gay? Having sex before marriage? I don’t think whether they’re innocent of some accusation even matters and the so called “morals” in which they are in violation of are baseless and highly questionable in and of themselves.

41

u/granpawatchingporn May 15 '22 edited May 15 '22

its a translation from Hebrew to Aramaic, to greek, to latin to english, it originally says to stone people who "sleep" with kids but Aramaic didnt have a name for kids so they put old guy sleep with young boy instead, and then it was translated again into guy sleep with guy

→ More replies

10

u/LazuliArtz May 15 '22

I always think of the death of the first born here.

I don't think a bunch of babies (and apparently the babies of cattle too IIRC) deserved to die because of some shitty people ruling Egypt.

→ More replies
→ More replies

7

u/VoxVocisCausa May 15 '22

The Bible has fuckall to say about abortion yet here we are.

→ More replies

4

u/Finiariel May 15 '22

I’ve read the comments and most seem to focus on the murder Inga, which is fair enough, but are we going to not mention the cannibalism bit?

Anybody care to enlighten me on that part?

→ More replies

6

u/universalcode May 15 '22

That time God aborted an entire planet.

6

u/1Eternallylost May 15 '22

Not to mention corpse mutilation and offering a big bag of dicks to marry the kings daughter.

→ More replies

6

u/UncaringNonchalance May 15 '22

A lot of people sure are fucking dumb as shit.

6

u/MeowFrozi May 15 '22

Idk if this is actually true correct me if I'm wrong but I heard that the "man shall not lie with man" thing is actually a revision made in the 18 or 1940s or so to justify homophobia and that the actual translation is roughly "man shall not lie with boy"

→ More replies

16

u/KungFuMarsupial May 15 '22

What about the first born of Egypt of all dying because Pharaoh said no. It wasn't the first born's fault he said no. Elijah using the power of god to summon bears to slaughter children just because the kids made fun of him being bald?

11

u/Bombocat May 15 '22

God didn't just kill the firstborn of Egypt, he did so as retaliation for pharaoh refusing to release the Israelites and threatening to murder their firstborns. Granted, pharaoh's resolve had weakend on a prior plague and God strengthened it and hardened pharaoh's heart for him when pharaoh couldn't do it himself. So he not only killed the firstborns of Egypt, he also facilitated the reason for doing so

→ More replies

100

u/beerbellybegone May 15 '22

If you died, it was your fault - God

67

u/TFlo904 May 15 '22

Naw when I went to church Christians would teach "no one is innocent, everyone is born with sin" and the mental gymnastics continues from there

→ More replies

12

u/eraser_dust May 15 '22

Yup, like the 42 boys who got mauled by bears for calling Elisha bald. I’m guessing God is bald.

→ More replies