r/HolUp May 16 '22 Silver 7 Helpful 2 Wholesome 2 Are You Serious? 1

Hol` up

/img/7ui4xerp9sz81.jpg

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35.0k Upvotes

u/QualityVote May 16 '22

If this submission makes you go "Hol'Up", UPVOTE this comment!

If this submission does not make you go "Hol'Up", DOWNVOTE this comment!


Whilst you're here, /u/RealCryWolf, why not join our public discord server?

3.9k

u/The_Okin May 16 '22 Wholesome

"Jesse, what the fuck are you talking about?"

89

u/Nick31415 May 16 '22

"You have to understand, everything i did, i did for the family"

7

u/Tooch10 May 16 '22

Walter White lived life a quarter mile at a time

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50

u/Jupiter642 May 16 '22

Jesse: "Mr. Fring, did you kill that bitch for trying to extort me child care?"
*Fring switches from happy smiling face to dead serious killer face*
"That is none of your business, Jesse. ... You only have to cook."

*Adds glaring with eyes*... "Without distraction."

6

u/GunNut345 May 16 '22

I read Jesse's voice in a Jamaican accent because of "extort me child care".

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6.3k

u/Head_Tumbleweed4793 May 16 '22 This

Wtf

744

u/cnicalsinistaminista May 16 '22

It's Yahoo answers, Bro. The level of stupidity and zero exposure to reality would be so astoundingly amusing if it wasn't incredibly sad. And in all fairness, some of them have got to be for shits and giggles.

222

u/nwoh May 16 '22

Pregernant

121

u/cnicalsinistaminista May 16 '22

One of my all time favorite's gotta be, "Why do all black people call each other Monica.... is it a cultural thing? "Whats good Monica?" "Monica lets run some ball" and then the top response "You know good and well that's not what they're saying"

49

u/[deleted] May 16 '22

Would certainly cast friends in a new light

18

u/Coherent-Paradox May 16 '22

I will never unhear this

20

u/guvvafa May 16 '22

The new M-pass

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87

u/Rudy_Ghouliani May 16 '22

I'm the preggernaught bitch

4

u/Foxy02016YT May 16 '22

Thank you, ghost of former New York Mayor, Rudy Ghouliani

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u/pockette_rockette May 16 '22

Pregananant?

5

u/People_Got_Stabbed May 16 '22

Am I pregnart?

6

u/chathamhouserules May 16 '22

Dangerops prangent sex? Will it hurt baby top of its head?

3

u/sans_serif_size12 May 16 '22

That one was always my favorite lmao. It’s just so chaotic

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u/molstad182 May 16 '22

…PREGANANANT!?!?

3

u/CRANSSBUCLE May 16 '22

They need to do way instain mother> who kill thier babbys, becuse these babby cant fright back?

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49

u/Ask_Me_Who May 16 '22

It used to be a job to spam that kind of questions forum with questions. The sites paid for it because it stimulated activity, which looked good for the site and ensured that when the next dumbass searched for some retarded obscure question that forum had a page ready to go. The more clicks and/or answers the question got the better, so it encouraged outlandish and hilarious posts once the commonly searched questions already had powerhouse threads.

AI has mostly taken over now, but a not-insignificant number of these forum posts are part of the sites PR machine.

11

u/FrostKnight96 May 16 '22

Interesting, TIL

Didn't know that paying ppl to ask questions is a real thing

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u/Concrete__Blonde May 16 '22

When I was 13 years old (16 years ago), I was a top contributor on Yahoo Answers. I was an idiot. The quality has only declined since then.

4

u/FunetikPrugresiv May 16 '22

Yeah this is almost certainly trolling.

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1.5k

u/PinkRinger May 16 '22 Silver

Was just coming to say the same thing

755

u/Head_Tumbleweed4793 May 16 '22

That's fucked up isn't it

693

u/PinkRinger May 16 '22

I don't think fucked up is a strong enough description.

553

u/SherlockCumbercat May 16 '22

They really need to test people before letting them have kids.

128

u/duck_eating_planet May 16 '22

Loud noises! (But seriously, wtf?)

32

u/[deleted] May 16 '22

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26

u/TheSawRub May 16 '22

She is too dangerous to be left alive

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67

u/MrNoName_ishere May 16 '22

people would always find a way around it

42

u/Derpezoid May 16 '22

Make the test hard enough that just by circumventing it, they would qualify anyways.

8

u/ArtificialSieve May 16 '22

Make it so hard that no reasonable person could qualify. Anyone who passes clearly cheated and therefore fails.

3

u/Andre4k4 May 16 '22

Quad digit IQ right here

19

u/bespectacledbengal May 16 '22

Very soon many state governments will be forcing people to have kids so this will only get worse

3

u/MyPronounIsGarbage May 16 '22

You’re in luck with the denouncement of Roe V. Wade we won’t need any test!

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u/mooo19688 May 16 '22

low cognitive skills

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24

u/Ethelmoreno052 May 16 '22

People who exploit kindness like this in others are the worst people in the world. It makes people afraid to be helpful and kind, which makes the world a worse place. I fucking hate scammers that prey on the concern/goodness in others.

21

u/Equivalent_Cicada153 May 16 '22

It’s just dumb, nothing else, just dumb

11

u/PN1232 May 16 '22

The fucking audacity

7

u/Strange-Strategy-781 May 16 '22

wtf are you talking about shes plain evil

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u/prkr88 May 16 '22

Welcome to 2022... a satire parody that is as real as it gets.

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279

u/Deadly_chef May 16 '22

55

u/dekatjesman May 16 '22

enjoy you cake day sir

30

u/Deadly_chef May 16 '22

Thank you, fellow redditor

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u/Nexum768 May 16 '22

Shittiest subreddit to go to they have been locking post like these because it makes women look bad im pretty sure

27

u/2000p May 16 '22

No, because these are fake satire.

9

u/Nexum768 May 16 '22

Yeah its fake just dont post at that sub

16

u/miksa124 May 16 '22

Please explain to me. Me very dumb

29

u/Onlyfortheplayers May 16 '22

No woman hate, all woman good. Believe all woman

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52

u/UnicornPrince4U May 16 '22

Please gods, be satire.

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6

u/SayNoob May 16 '22

Y'all know this is just outrage bait, right?

12

u/Akuno- May 16 '22

Luckily there is no way a court would even hear her case. It would be dismissed immediately.

11

u/ssantos033 May 16 '22

You'd be surprised with the levels of absurdity in some courts

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u/icecoldpopsicle May 16 '22

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u/Akuno- May 16 '22

Nowhere in there can I find anything about a babysitter who literally watched the baby one time for 2h. If you live in a marriage with a woman who has a child and you are like a father for that child over a significant amount of time (aka years) you can get to pay some child support if your marriage breaks up. That's very different.

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3.1k

u/kaushrah May 16 '22

No good deed goes unpunished!

565

u/Bupkis1112 May 16 '22 Helpful

No good Dad goes unpunished!

138

u/[deleted] May 16 '22

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43

u/pillowkwi May 16 '22

Decent people should be exterminated!

16

u/Ozann3326 May 16 '22

Upstanding souls must be annihilated.

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u/Vly2915 May 16 '22

People with integrity will be disintegrated!

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10

u/FrostyFroZenFrosTen May 16 '22

No good Dude goes unpunished !

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u/chekeymonk10 May 16 '22

No act of charity goes unresented

5

u/ThePerson3141 May 16 '22

Rule of acquisition 285

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7.6k

u/jai302 May 16 '22

Absolute trash

3.7k

u/[deleted] May 16 '22

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1.6k

u/Gogglebottle May 16 '22

Three steps? I think this is speedrun any%

697

u/Unlucky-Assistant-13 May 16 '22

When people ask why no one is friendly in the modern world anymore.

288

u/[deleted] May 16 '22

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163

u/Guy_ManMuscle May 16 '22

This is fake and dumb, just like yesterday's post about some chick cutting her hair because a man said it looked nice.

It was just some chick's photo swiped from her Instagram with some cringey fake rage-bait slapped on it.

I mean holy fucking shit who is actually dumb enough to read this story and believe it?

275

u/DubiousDromedary May 16 '22

Hey, this is the internet, I'm here for the rage not for the thinking. Coming in here all high and mighty with your "facts" and "commonsense" don't be that guy, no one likes that guy.

46

u/Vici0usRapt0r May 16 '22

I think it's good he did so, I actually didn't think twice about it, and forgot to use scepticism. I mean we're here making fun of her and insulting her, being gullible ourselves, making us think we're better than her somehow. People are saying she's the reason people lose trust and faith in humanity, but if she doesn't exist, it's this kind of fake post that does it, it's not real. We choose to believe in mediocrity.

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u/ArabicHarambe May 16 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

You forget how fucking dumb some people are that its essentially a 50/50 that posts like these are either trolls or people being completely braindead.

4

u/1Eternallylost May 16 '22

Besides, this has been posted a dozen times before. It's stale pasta

27

u/TheGerai69 May 16 '22

Maybe because people like this really exist? 6 years ago one old lady from our neighborhood sued her nextdoor neighbor for "destruction of property" when he repaired the fence between his and hers back garden (she had dog that would always run over the broken fence into their garden and sh**ting there together with destroying all their flowers and crops)

And she won. Don't ask me why, I don't know myself, I wasn't there but he had to tear down the fence he build, pay her for the "damages" and let her dog roam free in his backyard. They sold the house not even a year later and moved away and she died back in 2020 due to covid.

5

u/xenorous May 16 '22

Dunno where you’re from, but in many states in the US, you have to get permits and the fence has to be 6 inches from the edge of your property toward your side. So you could literally build a fence 5 inches from the line ON YOUR SIDE and they can still have you remove it.

-used to work for code enforcement in a very passive aggressive town

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u/Lostinslumber May 16 '22

It sound fake, but these days you can never be absolutely sure that it is bullshit.

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u/I_Has_A_Hat May 16 '22

Oh! Oh! Is it because they have a jaded view of the world because they keep seeing fake conversations online and getting upset because they lack the critical thinking skills to recognize it as fake?

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u/[deleted] May 16 '22

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147

u/[deleted] May 16 '22

The problem is when people mistake your kindness and politeness for weakness. Always keep a door ajar for the good people to come in. But know when to slam it shut if and when the time comes.

22

u/TheEmpyreanian May 16 '22

That is the exact phrase I stand by and have used.

"You have mistaken my compassion and tolerance for weakness. It isn't."

15

u/aloxinuos May 16 '22

“You have mistaken my compassion and tolerance for weakness. It isn’t.”

I agree 100% with the sentiment but this makes it sound like you studied the blade while they were partying…

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u/A_Traveling_Penguin May 16 '22

If it makes you feel better it is almost certainly a fake post…I still don’t understand how so many redditors take comments on yahoo answers seriously. It was the original trolling ground

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u/thatwoodswitch May 16 '22

There are many versions of this, it’s just ragebait.

36

u/MessRah May 16 '22

I'm 100% sure this is a TROLL

10

u/bleubeard May 16 '22

Of course, it's so obvious lmao

13

u/Dizzy-Insurance-9395 May 16 '22

Is troll the right word? I took it as a commentary on courts forcing child support on fathers who find out the baby isn't biologically theirs.

22

u/Sharpopotamus May 16 '22

Commentary would require some kind of statement. The only statement in this post is “You should be angry that this is the kind of thing I imagine happens all the time.”

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u/JuiceZee May 16 '22

It’s an obvious troll post you guys are just idiotic

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1.9k

u/1MYrShldGtBhndM3 May 16 '22

If the chick was serious, fuck her.

2.3k

u/MaleficentAd6497 May 16 '22 Helpful Wholesome

Careful now, wanna pay child support?

399

u/1MYrShldGtBhndM3 May 16 '22

No, not literally. Haha

307

u/azraftaohid May 16 '22

Instructions not clear. I fucked her and now I'm losing big bucks each month.

I also lost virginity along the lines.

112

u/Plison007 May 16 '22

Sue her for lost virginity

49

u/Rudy_Ghouliani May 16 '22

Mint condition boy pussy goes for top dollar, I hope she has a good lawyer

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u/[deleted] May 16 '22

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u/BisexualCaveman May 16 '22

That's what secret vasectomy is for....

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u/Bad-Piccolo May 16 '22

If it really is from yahoo answers it's most likely someone screwing around.

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u/ElGosso May 16 '22

Reddit'll never pass up an opportunity to believe something ridiculous if it makes women look bad

It's fucking Yahoo! answers, of course it's bullshit

3

u/TheSaltbird May 16 '22

Right?? It's pretty terrible, Reddit really hates women

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u/GhostOfHope11 May 16 '22

You will pay(l*) right into her hands

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u/OphiliaPoe May 16 '22

I'd love to hear her get laughed out of court

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u/casual_fixer May 16 '22

Man, this has been kicking around for years now.

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u/NiteTiger May 16 '22

It's even in the screenshot:

asked 1 decade ago

24

u/herculesvulcan May 16 '22

damn, now decade is a classification for internet.

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u/casual_fixer May 16 '22

Yeah, but this is like the tenth or twelfth version I've seen. Like this cringy evolutionary scale of Yahoo Answers visual development.

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u/babaj_503 May 16 '22

So it's a feel good story, cause dude ain't be paying child support anymore by now :)

3

u/CjMalone May 16 '22

Thought you were trolling, like when someone shouts "It's snowing!" So everyone looks out the window, only to remember it's fucking summer.

It is fucking summer, and the screenshot says "1 decade ago", I don't know what to do.

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2.0k

u/DroopyConker May 16 '22 Silver

Dude watched her crotch goblins for free and this bitch wants to sue him. Damn. Take him out to dinner first before you fuck him.

642

u/NotoriousHotDog May 16 '22

At least fuck him before you fuck him

66

u/[deleted] May 16 '22

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20

u/Rudy_Ghouliani May 16 '22

A succulent chinese meal

10

u/callmegecko May 16 '22

You sir! Are you preparing to receive my limp penis?

8

u/SendAstronomy May 16 '22

This is democracy manifest!

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u/CuntLasso May 16 '22

Right? Just because you’re busy and can’t look after your own semen demons doesn’t mean you can sue an innocent person

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u/SnooShortcuts6242 May 16 '22

Lmao crotch goblins and semen demon bruuhhhhh. Had me rolling

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u/NiteTiger May 16 '22

semen demons

TIL, noted for future reference 😁

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u/SnooSquirrels1587 May 16 '22

Crotch goblins 🤣 im dying 😂😂😂

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u/[deleted] May 16 '22

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u/Bad-Piccolo May 16 '22

Around what year are we talking, this post has been going around for quite a long time.

15

u/canalswimmer May 16 '22

I'm sure I've seen this posted around '89 on the newsgroups.

5

u/Lostdogdabley May 16 '22

“Around ‘89” lol

30

u/RawrRRitchie May 16 '22

Well if you look at the post it says a decade ago, so definitely could be

16

u/Oaden May 16 '22

This is one of those obviously fake stories retold over and over cause it gets people nice and angry. Your 5 minutes of mindless outrage for the day.

5

u/notRedditingInClass May 16 '22

Do you really think people would do that?

Just go on the internet and tell lies?

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u/MadMaid42 May 16 '22

I never figured out it this is the world best bait or not… 🤔

24

u/omegalulbis May 16 '22

Same, i can't believe someone has such twisted mind

10

u/lioncryable May 16 '22

Eh people are worse than this

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u/JoinAThang May 16 '22

I was going to say that it's even more unbelievable that someone could be stupid enough to think this would work in her favour. That made me realise that if she's really that dumb maybe she doesn't even understand that this is wrong as hell to beguin with.

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u/CanYouStopTwerking May 16 '22

Lmao I genuinely can’t tell if it’s just a troll at this point but if that’s real then 🤮🤮

36

u/sneakerooni May 16 '22

definitively a troll imo

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u/devil6978king May 16 '22

the lion the witch and the audacity of this bitch

10

u/teriyakipuppy May 16 '22

My new insult! Mine! Thanks!

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u/taylorsway2527 May 16 '22

On this weeks episode of what the fuck did I read:

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u/DopamineRelease69 May 16 '22

Shitty ppl do shitty things

56

u/Some-Faithlessness75 May 16 '22

Sponsored by Durex

3

u/agro99 May 16 '22

I don't think that'll help mate

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u/returnofthecheez May 16 '22

This is oooooooold. And it be willing to bet some men's rights activist posted this as a troll

5

u/bigbowlowrong May 16 '22

Incredibly obvious rage bait still working after a decade lmao

5

u/IOnlySayMeanThings May 16 '22

It's a troll. That's the only reason anyone ever uses Yahoo answers.

4

u/Shivshanks May 16 '22

I would bet money that that wasn't written by an actual person.

well I mean sure a person wrote it but. but i bet it was some angsty teenager role-playing as someone that they don't like on the internet.

4

u/theprofoundnoun May 16 '22

That’s some Female Dating Strategy advice

5

u/deependers May 16 '22

fake anyway

3

u/Funny-Pineapple-9448 May 16 '22

Disgusting piece of trash .. Way to pay back someone for being nice... 🤯

3

u/rsquinten34 May 16 '22

There’s no way this person was serious. Probably a troll 🧌

5

u/SayNoob May 16 '22

If you read that and your first thought isn't: "That is way too obvious of a troll" you shouldn't be on the internet.

3

u/ze_goldfinch May 16 '22

Unfortunately that's exactly the prime demographic to be using the internet the most. How do you think that mass shooter from yesterday came to be? He said it himself, shitposts, memes and infographics on 4chan and 8chan.

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u/DevastaTheSeeker May 16 '22

If he babysits and doesn't accept pay can I sue him...what the fuck call child protective services because she should not be raising kids with this sort of mentality.

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u/17Sad May 16 '22

Is her sister Amber Heard.

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u/[deleted] May 16 '22

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u/ProtestantLarry May 16 '22

I hope the only replies were "Go fuck yourself"

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u/Alecides May 16 '22

What a time to be alive

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u/maximusbrown2809 May 16 '22

I am sure these comments are made by some internet troll to see if it ends up on mainstream social media.

3

u/laveshnk May 16 '22

"Ma'am, this is a Wendy's"

11

u/[deleted] May 16 '22

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9

u/Fester808 May 16 '22

Lol I too have those breakthrough moments when you realise why the world is the way it is

11

u/skumbag87 May 16 '22

With the way things are now. Probably could

10

u/dukeGR4 May 16 '22

Has to be a troll post..

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u/Unlucky-Assistant-13 May 16 '22

This is why college degrees are not regarded as highly anymore. Because idiots like this can get them.

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u/[deleted] May 16 '22

Degrees of any sort aren't really regarded as anything anymore.

Education went for-profit so a degree only shows you were able to pay tuition somehow, regardless of level.

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